tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59246992024-03-07T14:18:59.320-07:00Mountain Home Companion<b>Rom. 15:3 "Even Christ pleased not himself..." My struggle is to do the same...not to please myself, but to do justice and to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God. And in the struggle...life happens. All work herein is Copyrighted and may not be distributed, copied or published without the prior consent of the author. Copyright 2005-2015. All rights reserved.</b>Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.comBlogger263125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-12365096784397086102015-09-04T10:06:00.003-06:002015-09-04T10:06:58.248-06:00Snowmelt<i>for Robb</i><br />
<br />
If I were outside I'd be glad of the snow that melts on my face,
<br />
the heavy, wet snow.
<br />
my tears would be hidden in snowmelt.
<br />
Perhaps then the flood that is held back by the weakening dam of my resolve could be released.
<br />
<br />
Old sheets,
<br />
mismatched dishes,
<br />
shelves of books,
<br />
lawn tools and electronics,
<br />
lamps and chairs,
<br />
old cassettes and Christmas lights,
<br />
pots and pans and army blankets.
<br />
<br />
These strangers
<br />
going through his things
<br />
cannot comprehend.
<br />
<br />
<br />
They are going through your house,
<br />
selling off your plates, your linens.
<br />
Strangers are pawing through your things,
<br />
Not knowing or caring who you were.
<br />
All of your books gone in one transaction,
<br />
The many things that made up your life.<br />
<br />
Hands have grasped things and stolen,<br />
the wine you meant for me,<br />
The poem you read to me on the phone that day,<br />
just an empty spot on the wall now.<br />
Whose hands were greedy? Who took what was yours?<br />
How has it come that what is left is the detritus,<br />
like a shipwreck tossed onshore?<br />
<br />
I hate them all in this moment,<br />
Their clutching hands, their beady eyes,<br />
The slobbering faces trying to hide,<br />
the avarice, the hunger I despise.<br />
<br />
I hate them for tossing aside the things<br />
that once were yours,<br />
like so much trash, they sniff and snort,<br />
their disdainful laughing,<br />
the eyerolls, the gasps.<br />
<br />
I hate even more that you aren't here.<br />
that you will never read another book,<br />
will never light that lamp.<br />
You'll never give me that special look...<br />
where love and affection and amusement<br />
all sparkled in your eyes, and a chortle on your lips.<br />
You'll never rush with paper towels to wipe my windshield clean<br />
never...<br />
<br />
Oh, dear God, you're gone!<br />
<br />Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-71505186740074532362015-08-26T08:28:00.001-06:002015-08-26T08:28:45.440-06:00No Mistake<br />
<br />
Heading through the woods, I was determined to come in behind some flowering trees I had seen from the road. Everywhere I looked there where small flowers taking up residence along the sides of paths, on trees, along the river bank…and among these small wonders, these delicate beauties, were leaves of all shapes and sizes. Just look at all the wonders! The wild garlic unfurls it’s sle<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JMfBHJikiXWd9hNQkNdd4ZYV6a3n_6w1KkbdzR4sOAuTog6aToFkbeOhyphenhyphenIKmjXPPHf1IG3QH94-hdZLuwgxyX_D4PDRoH2jhim7k_k2gzQ2ow2uNZv_bf5UEEbXqCw5qLWkVbA/s1600/DSCF8448.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5597861375049924034" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JMfBHJikiXWd9hNQkNdd4ZYV6a3n_6w1KkbdzR4sOAuTog6aToFkbeOhyphenhyphenIKmjXPPHf1IG3QH94-hdZLuwgxyX_D4PDRoH2jhim7k_k2gzQ2ow2uNZv_bf5UEEbXqCw5qLWkVbA/s320/DSCF8448.JPG" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 240px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 320px;" /></a>nder stalks, reaching curling fingers to the skies as it’s gentle fragrance teases the senses. I was reminded as I looked at all the splendid variety that I often bemoan the fact that I am the way that I am. I’m short and…er…stocky. I long to be tall and thin.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Edos6-BL8UxNmttFs79WKJFV0SyI5Vg9V_gil_hEiccIYsNlOb7OjmSiFCfvck59Krqy6JUOhaUVsdpYOWBpnH6NRaZstC0RP5zANu7TrI3GRHlkhzzKZwvu5tDn-rlh8LrJLg/s1600/DSCF8443.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5597861991141860418" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Edos6-BL8UxNmttFs79WKJFV0SyI5Vg9V_gil_hEiccIYsNlOb7OjmSiFCfvck59Krqy6JUOhaUVsdpYOWBpnH6NRaZstC0RP5zANu7TrI3GRHlkhzzKZwvu5tDn-rlh8LrJLg/s320/DSCF8443.JPG" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 240px; margin: 0 0 10px 10px; width: 320px;" /></a><br />
I kept walking around, snapping pictures of so much beauty and variety I was filled with delight. I heard the voice, “Do you really want to be tall and thin?” No sense lying, of course I want to be tall and thin. I looked around, now conscious of the presence of God. What if everyone was tall and thin? What if I only made one kind of plant? The amazing variety just in this little corner of the world is before me, behind me, beside me, above me, bearing witness to the creativity and variety of the creator. If I had what I wanted, every plant in the forest would be those slender garlic sprouts. If everyone looked like Angelina Jolie, wouldn’t we long for something different? Don’t we long for the variety? Don’t we appreciate the differences in people? Yet I long to be something other than what God has made me.<br />
<br />
Which plant would I do without? The slender tree covered in small purple-pink flowers? The fragrant garlic? The Jack-in-the-Pulpit? Viola? The vines which wind themselves around trees and shrubs in a wooden lacework that is beautiful and mind-boggling? Which would I give up?<br />
<br />
I am reminded that God made me the way he wanted. He made me short. He gave me a peasant build. I am one of the creations in his human forest. Every one of us is different from the next, individual, beautiful, special, and unique. I suppose that I am rather arrogant to presume that the Creator made a mistake with me.<br />
<br />
Do you see? I hear him say. “I make beauty out of disease, decay, even out of death.” Everywhere I looked there was evidence of that. Fungii were reclaiming fallen limbs, hues of seafoam green, aqua, orange, salmon, and white painted on the forest floor. Today’s leaves were growing out of the forest floor covered in decomposing leaves from seasons past. Dead trees were bearing signs of bird nests, insect life, and retained an amazing beauty in their death. I make all things beautiful in my time. I reclaim, rebuild, restore. I bring life, renewal, beauty. Can you see it?<br />
<br />
Yes I can. Today I hope that as you look at the photos that I’m attaching, that you will see a portion of what I have seen and that you will look in the mirror and understand that you were made in your own special way and have your own special beauty. Is it small, delicate and hidden or is it wild and gloriously gaudy? No matter. You bear the mark of the Creator. He has not made a mistake.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-37423358099398625512015-08-26T08:26:00.003-06:002015-08-26T08:26:40.580-06:00A Night Walk in VirginiaThe cicadas' song in the heat of the day is slowly fading into the nighttime crickets' melody. Somewhere the fireflies are putting on a show, though they aren't performing near me lately. The magnolia tree has put out two or three sad flowers that seem to have no aroma. Although I find the aroma of magnolias overwhelming, it wounds me to smell nothing, to see that magnolia and recognize a brokenness there.<br />
<br />
Why is the magnolia lacking in fragrance? This niggles at me, but then I am quickly attentive to other things because the dog is moving on, sniffing trails I can't smell, doing her little SniffBook social media thing, learning, I assume, who's been by, who's pregnant, and what other critters have been traveling through.<br />
<br />
The dark of night is slowly settling in, wrapping around us in a warm embrace. Something flies by me, disliking my proximity. A cicada, I assume. This year's batch seems more skittish. I stare at the sky, wishing I lived somewhere where I could get away from city lights and see the stars. How I long for a clear starry night. I know they're out there, and my memory fills in the gaps of a celestial light show, before the dog and I go inside for the night.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-47824145407764327302012-03-09T18:09:00.003-07:002012-03-09T18:15:04.826-07:00Getting published...Working on it. Self-publishing is the key here, it seems, though I wish that weren't true. I hate to see the big publishing houses go under and I would hate even more to lose my local bookstore, but... This is something I can do myself. so I've been picking up one of my novels and working on completing it. I'm dismayed to discover that I'm missing parts and pieces of it...already written. Now I must find them or face a major redo. Not that it's a bad thing, and certainly it gives me something to do until I get a job offer...<br /><br />So, here goes... When I'm done, I'll let folks know. I'll need your help to get the word out. Coming Soon...Books by ME. Available on Amazon.<br /><br />Yea!!!!!Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-82566796888063263252010-07-18T09:07:00.002-06:002010-07-18T09:45:29.317-06:00JULYWell, most of my writing has been fiction and a few opinion pieces I post for another site, but I thought I should take a moment to discuss some of the personal struggles I've had.<br /><br />I found myself in a pit. So many changes, so much confusion, so little surety in anything in our lives has taken a toll on me. My beloved brother moved away just months after we moved to be closer to him (coincidence?) I know this is not an accident. One minute he got a call that he was losing his job and five minutes later he got a call that they wanted him on a different site hours away, requiring him to move in a short space of time. I admit to being really thrown by this. Angry, too.<br /><br />I was quite willing to live in this tiny apartment but able to spend time with my brother and his wife. I was so excited about it. But within months they were suddenly gone and I just felt that it was TOO MUCH. On top of all the trials and struggles and disappointments over the last few years, it took the wind out of me.<br /><br />So much of life seems to be about me getting the wind knocked out of me, being thrown to the ground with a sucker punch and crawling back, standing back up and getting my wind again only to repeat the cycle. I think the point is to strengthen me, to deepen me, to reduce my reliance on myself and my own understanding and to force me to rely on the only wise God. I'm not great at this. My basic training is going on far longer than most peoples it would seem. I assume they must be faster learners. Either that, or I made it through basic training and the training was for a war that I didn't realize had started.<br /><br />Whatever the case, I was worn out, exhausted, sad and confused. It showed all over me. What made it all worse is that my fibromyalgia has been in a major flare for the longest period yet--well over two years now. Amazing. I was tired of all of it. Tired of the pain, the physical inconvenience, the financial struggles, the losses, all of it.<br /><br />I let myself get depressed. I know better. I know how to be happy. I've learned that through great pain and long study. I just stopped practicing what I knew. When someone commented on my smile as if it were a rare or nearly-nonexistent thing, I realized what I had allowed. I allowed myself to quit practicing, to quit CHOOSING to be happy. So I once again have chosen to be happy. Trust me on this. It's totally doable. If <span style="font-style:italic;">I</span> can learn to be happy, anyone can. I find it hard to imagine a more dismal soul than me, at least the old me.<br /><br />The problem of pain and attitude is that it is hard to maintain a positive attitude when you are in pain, but the severity of the <span style="font-style:italic;">effect of</span> pain is increased in proportion to the depth of your own misery and depression. If one can maintain a good, positive attitude, pain is not diminished, but the effect of that pain is. Plus misery drives others away. <br /><br />Soooooo, rambling as this has been, I have had an attitude adjustment. I allowed myself to focus on the circumstances rather than the one who holds me in the circumstances. I forgot that I am not dependent on jobs or what I can see with my own eyes for my sustenance and my stability, but that I am dependent on one who is not affected or concerned by the things which I can see. he is utterly reliable when nothing else is.<br /><br />Forward, ho!Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-42091272838777599372010-03-29T11:55:00.000-06:002010-03-29T11:55:07.560-06:00Self-ExaminationI have to ask myself the following questions today. I believe they came from Tozer, but I heard them while listening to an online sermon from Twin Oaks Presbyterian Church.<br />
<br />
<ol><li>What do you want more than anything else? Honestly examine your hearts cravings. </li>
<li>What do you think about more than anything else? </li>
<li>How do you use your money? </li>
<li>What do you do with your leisure time? </li>
<li>Who do you admire and what do you admire about them?</li>
<li>What is humorous to you?</li>
</ol>My answers, the truthful ones, not as I wish they were, but what they really are, is very instructive to my soul.<br />
<br />
What I wish the answers to be is: 1. God, 2. God's Word and the person and work of Jesus Christ, 3. To further the kingdom of God and to care for the poor., 4. Serving the poor, studying the Word and gathering with other believers to delight together in God, 5. I want this list to be filled with spiritual giants both known and unknown who follow after God with their whole hearts, and 6. I want this not to include things that demean others, cruelty, etc. <br />
<br />
What is true is somewhat different. My truthful responses show my heart to be in need of repentance, cleansing and renewal and that I CANNOT do on my own. My truth reveals a need for God to wash me clean, to renew a right spirit in me, to root out my selfishness and the sin which is still rooted in my heart. God help me. I am not who I want to be, I am not who I wish to be, I am not who I was made to be. I must throw myself on the mercy of God, the only wise and merciful God. I have seen my heart and it is an ugly and needful thing.<br />
<br />
I am, we are, blessed that our salvation and our hope does not rest on this. I am blessed that God in his mercy sought fit to save me, one whose heart is so unworthy. Even my response to the Savior is not the beautiful thing I wish it to be. Oh may I one day truly answer those questions as I desire. May that really be. Lord, rescue me from me. Thank you for revealing the condition of my heart. Teach me and mold me, cleanse me and purify my heart. Renew my spirit. Continue the work you have begun in me. <br />
<br />
<br />
<input id="gwProxy" type="hidden" /><input id="jsProxy" onclick="jsCall();" type="hidden" /><br />
<div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden" /><!--Session data--><input id="jsProxy" onclick="jsCall();" type="hidden" /><div id="refHTML"></div>Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-48822100410349984242010-03-10T12:29:00.001-07:002010-03-10T12:30:30.204-07:00Signs of Spring<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr8IuhYm5ZnIZzS3te1gJrVHdNEN-rkB04CWRAI9xRkNZB-VWXvU_x_Hqg_msaXow3kbrMVQJO-jShnuDrVRz7NT5H5X3tj0URmrV3Te4rb8SN4-m-aXfc5m3k_n_Q5rjs8l5pLA/s1600-h/Magnolia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr8IuhYm5ZnIZzS3te1gJrVHdNEN-rkB04CWRAI9xRkNZB-VWXvU_x_Hqg_msaXow3kbrMVQJO-jShnuDrVRz7NT5H5X3tj0URmrV3Te4rb8SN4-m-aXfc5m3k_n_Q5rjs8l5pLA/s320/Magnolia.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoQEeYiEdR3Bt_MNb3nU8Y_sOLKIF-24Ek5rGRdrutqtyXrHRbJaXhPZNLMEjMODvzJe3gUNDQXQB_j92GubThm3nyfTYQfK2hdZSJou3QghmzC-BlydvzVhG5Ar57s6tHOOmMww/s1600-h/DSCF0379.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoQEeYiEdR3Bt_MNb3nU8Y_sOLKIF-24Ek5rGRdrutqtyXrHRbJaXhPZNLMEjMODvzJe3gUNDQXQB_j92GubThm3nyfTYQfK2hdZSJou3QghmzC-BlydvzVhG5Ar57s6tHOOmMww/s320/DSCF0379.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden" /><!--Session data--><input id="jsProxy" onclick="jsCall();" type="hidden" /><div id="refHTML"></div>Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-29013079697666264382010-02-01T14:43:00.000-07:002010-02-01T14:43:00.930-07:00What?Each time I come to this site over the past couple of weeks, preparing to post a new blog, I stop short at the words of my previous post. It is awful and sad, but a truth that must be admitted. I have been writing. Actually I've written quite a bit recently--just not here. Where, you ask? Ah, I'll keep that secret for now.<br />
<br />
Suffice it to say that the conditions of life have changed so dramatically over the past year that my life is barely recognizable. I thought I would have started school by now, at least, but George Mason wants me to get a lot more credits in before transferring in. I just found that out today, which is a bit of a blow. <br />
<br />
Steve just started a new job--one that will last 2-3 months at most. And today, an old boss from Colorado called to offer him a job, thinking he would be back in CO by now. We just signed a year's lease. It would cost us $2200 to get out of the lease, plus moving expenses. Sigh. Is it a job worth taking? Don't have enough details. I'm exhausted thinking about the possibility of moving to Denver, as unlikely as it is.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-67109999095030946102010-01-04T23:28:00.002-07:002010-01-05T00:11:49.443-07:002010So a new decade has begun. Not just a new year, a new decade, and I am 45. 45 puts you in a new age bracket on things like Web MD and some other surveys and questionnaires. I don't know why that bothers me. I don't <span style="font-style:italic;">feel</span> 45. I do sometimes look at myself in the mirror and do a double-take. Who is that fat woman with the aging skin, the puffy eyes and the hands that are beginning to seriously wrinkle? I don't recognize her at all, I'm afraid. Who is that woman who lurches down the hall when her joints don't want to work, or who gets down on the floor and can no longer trust that she can simple stand back up again with ease? Who is the woman who needs bifocals?<br /><br />45 isn't old. I know it isn't. But it feels that way sometimes. I'm a grandma. Me. How did this happen? (Please don't write in to tell me the mechanics of it.) I was a schoolgirl just yesterday...or maybe it was the day before that, but it was just moments ago! All of life was ahead of me as an open book, a blank canvas, and empty stage, waiting for me to write on the pages, to paint brilliant colors or to dazzle the world with my brilliance. How did all that hopeful and fearful expectation come to this?<br /><br />If I am to be dazzling and brilliant, it will have to be a different way now. Even our colors fade as we get older. Our hair fades, although with the proper shade of Loreal, no one need know. Our skin loses the luster and suppleness of youth.<br /><br />For some, 2010 is a good place to start. It is the year of birth or of graduation, that first adult job or the start of a hopefully long and successful marriage.<br /><br />For us, 2010 is a year for starting over. Hopefully we have not dragged too much past baggage with us. It is a challenge to be optimistic, to see this as a good thing. I feel pressure to do and to accomplish.<br /><br />There is a great paradox in the ideas of doing and being. Some say that we simple must be. We must <span style="font-style:italic;">be</span> in Christ. We must remain and abide and wait. Passive words. Others say we must do. We must put our faith into action. Faith without works is dead. We must get busy about the work of the kingdom, busy with the work of life. <br /><br />I struggle with these two. I believe that both are true and I don't really understand that. I don't know how to be and do at the same time. I don't know that I understand when it is time to rest and when it is time to work and run the race.<br /><br />In my body there is a condition that requires being and doing. Fibromyalgia constantly reminds me that I cannot simply power my way through life with will and determination. And yet, I must power my way through many things or I have no life with this horrible condition. I must accept (be) that I have this condition and that it affects what I can and cannot do. And I must do so that FM doesn't take everything away. I sometimes get the balance off. When I feel good I do too much and the ability to do is lost for a time. But if I give in to the pain, I do nothing and have no life and the FM is worse for the inactivity.<br /><br />So what is the truth? Is there a correlation between the being and doing of FM and the being and doing of our Christian walk? Well, both are balancing acts. We aren't actually doing the work of changing and perfecting us, but we have things we must do anyway. We must remain and abide in Christ and are also told to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. <br /><br />Anyway...John 15 talks about abiding or remaining in Christ, the true vine. I don't understand all of it, particularly the cutting away of dead branches, but I do understand the pruning bit. It appears that the troubles and travails of this life may be part of a pruning process, so that the fruit we bear may be increased. It is to increase the health and vitality of the whole being--me joined with Christ and tended by the Father. All of this loss, all of this pain, all of this trouble may simply be pruning to make me more fruitful. "For without me you can do nothing," the passage states. So I abide in him and he makes the doing possible. <br /><br />I don't understand this, but 2010 is the year I want to begin to understand this being and abiding and resting in him in the midst of the doing of life. If he wants me to stand still, then stand still I shall, but if he wants me to do, then he must guide and empower me.<br /><br />What I long for in this being and abiding and remaining and doing is to develop my love for Him. I told a friend of mine the troubling thing I realized the other day--that I am not in love with my Savior, and I don't really love my God. At the moment I kind of like Him. I'm ashamed and embarrassed. It's a hard thing to say, and I am keenly aware that this is not what I have been ordered in scripture. I have been told to Love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and spirit. I have a Savior who went to all the trouble to become like me, to become human, to live and to die an insanely awful death, to suffer untold misery and horror to pay for my sin, and to make it possible for me to be reconciled to him, and yet I kind of like him? I think I understand the bit in Revelation where God says they are neither hot nor cold but lukewarm and so he wants to spit them out. Realizing that I merely <span style="font-style:italic;">like</span> the Creator of the stars makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like wretching. Maybe God feels this way about me too at the moment.<br /><br />I don't know how to go from that like to the love that I once had and the love that I never had, so I must abide and remain and ask the Savior of my soul to ignite the flame of love in me and never to let it wane.<br /><br />May your new decade be blessed in every way, but most of all, may you know spiritual blessings. May you grow in love for God. May we grow in this together.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-87619477730877010862009-12-22T08:24:00.003-07:002009-12-22T08:29:43.482-07:00Happy Christmas to you all!<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxv3vtFdxocyxqpnnkTMPGuRz5kFkxSk7BkTpjX8q0h7HtsgWaVCQaReQiBzVHCwwfG8NuzwrW2aIo' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br /><br />To create your OWN video, please go to: <a href="http://www.elfyourself.com/">Office Max's "Elf Yourself"</a>Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-67647267918975555972009-12-16T08:39:00.002-07:002009-12-16T21:48:02.056-07:00It Costs More To Be A WomanIn response to the article: <a href="http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/ConsumerActionGuide/dunleavey-why-it-costs-more-to-be-a-woman.aspx">Why It Costs More To Be A Woman</a> (click on the title to jump to the article.) I have written the following:<br /><br />I have been lamenting lately the same thing, not an angry lament, more of a weary, this-is-how-the-world-is lament. I know these things are true and I don't like it, but what are you doing to do about it?<br /><br />I rarely succumb to the temptation to purchase razors made "for women", as the cost per each is egregious. I find the cost of antiperspirants in general to be outrageous, but the smell of stale sweat coming from my armpits is not desirable, so I cough it up, though I have done trial and error until I only buy what works for me.<br /><br />I have cut men and women's hair. The time factor is negligible. A man may be a little less fussy about the cut, though many men today are more fussy than ever, but there is the neck shaving and sometimes a facial shave as well. The justification is bogus. The services that take time are actually included in the price whether they are used or not. I mean I often shampoo my own hair because I sometimes have allergic reactions to shampoos. If it is a nice day out, the hairdresser may not fully style my hair, though that is included in the price at most places. Some, the ones that do ala carte services, are also the ones that seem to charge virtually the same whether you are male or female. In these places, I've had good and bad haircuts. The lady cutting my hair at Great Clips in Colorado Springs gave me about the best haircuts of my life. My most recent on at Great Clips in MD? The reviews aren't so good.<br /><br />Many things are ridiculously expensive for women. I will happily use men's antiperspirant as long as it doesn't SMELL like a man. I can't wear their shirts without major tailoring and it is impossible to wear their jeans. My husband can get his jeans at Sam's Club for $13. The cut is standard and the denim is heavy. These jeans are a far better bargain than what is currently sold in any local store in the woman's department. Without my consent or approval, someone made the decision to eliminate heavyweight denim jeans with sturdy construction, in favor of "stretch denim", which is far less practical, lasts about a third as long, and costs the same as the old jeans I prefer. Where may I go to purchase the jeans I loved? I may have them custom made, or buy them through a catalog, now at least 2-3 times the cost of the jeans I bought a few years back. But my husband can buy his for $13.<br /><br />Don't get me started on decent dressy work trousers. Again, try to find any made of a high quality sturdy material with a nice hand at ANY price made for a woman. But my husband can walk into any Ross or Marshalls and find a nice trouser for under $20 near any day of the week.<br /><br />Can someone explain why I have to pay over $30 for a decent bra? Is making a bra some feat of engineering with construction so ingenious as to make it a difficult proposition? No. I used to work in a lingerie factory, and while I was never privy to the price points and manufacturing costs, I can assure you that they are in no way an expensive garment to manufacture. <br /><br />At $30+ each, I must spend a minimum of $210 simply to have enough for a week. And are these garments long-lasting? According to the fitter in the lingerie department, none of these garments are designed to last more than 6 months. Nor can they hold up under normal laundry conditions. No, they must be hand-laundered and hung to dry, else they face an early extinction. If I want pretty or lacy or the latest sexy style, they are even more flimsily constructed and cost even more. Hooray.<br /><br />There are some justifications for some of these price differences. A woman's tailoring is often a bit more detailed, a couple of darts or seams that a man's equivalent will not have, but otherwise, two identical items should have reasonably identical prices, right? What is the cost to put in a dart and a fitted seam? It doesn't take substantially longer, and should not justify the price difference.<br /><br />When I was younger, I lived in a small town and it had a store with clothing for young men and a rack of clothing I can only call rodeo queen attire. I purchased men's jeans to fit my hips and took in 6 inches off the waist. I am no longer comfortable doing those kinds of alterations, as I am much more conscious of the quality of tailoring than I was in those days, and my own tailoring does not meet my standards.<br /><br />Don't even get me started on hose. <br /><br />I guess my point is that it costs to be a woman. Some men seem to think that women are frivolous or poor negotiators and pat themselves on the back for it, but what do you do when your dry cleaner charges an extra dollar each to dry clean your shirts? They all do it, and complaining hasn't yet gotten them to drop their prices. They very snottily talk about how difficult they are to press. Oh really? Seems like the equipment isn't made properly then. I dislike ironing, but find it no more difficult or time-consuming to iron my shirts than it does to iron my husband's.<br /><br />It isn't the cut, because I can bring in a boxy women's blazer and get charged more for it than a man's Italian cut blazer, which surely is more difficult to handle than mine.<br /><br />Oh, I'm not going to win any debate here, nor am I stating any new thing. But it isn't because women are poor negotiators. It is because certain things are expected of us that are NOT expected of a man. In one job it was not-so-subtly suggested that I should wear makeup for a professional appearance. At the time I was not having skin problems, and was always neatly and professionally attired and well-groomed. I did not then, nor do I now see the point of covering my skin with a load of expensive makeup that clogs my pores and causes me to break out, nor did I see the point of spending $50 a month on my nails as the other women in the office did.<br /><br />If it is okay for John Doe to come in with a fresh-scrubbed face, neatly combed hair and a nice suit on, then that should work for me as well. I'm not manly, nor am I trying to make some feminist point, but I do sometimes resent that while I make far less than a man, my life costs more. Not because I am frivolous, but because the simple things in life are, for women, more expensive.<br /><br />If I were to tell my husband he was required to spend $210 every six months on underwear, he would flip out. Why do these manufacturers and retailers DARE to charge this for me? So, what really am I to do about these things? Nothing I can do really, except make the wisest and most frugal decisions possible, and occasionally rant about the cost of being a woman.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-64713068651437453222009-12-15T20:01:00.005-07:002009-12-15T20:22:27.365-07:00And there were no needy persons among them...I have been vocal lately about how inadequate the church seems to be in meeting the needs of those in our midst. I was distraught and angry when I heard about a woman whose life has fallen apart when her husband suffered a massive stroke after he was laid off and without health insurance. She is underemployed, has young children, is visiting her husband each day in the nursing home where he requires round the clock care and is totally incapacitated. She is losing her home, the utilities are on final notice and her health is in jeopardy due to the stress of it all.<br /><br />I asked you and I asked me, where is the church in this? It seems to me that we should be gathering together and saying what do we do about _______? We should be opening our pockets, someone should be stepping up to help her find the assistance she needs, or opening their home to her and to her children, bringing them meals, serving them in any way we can. <br /><br />As I sat pondering and upset with how the church is not doing it's job, it occurred to me that I AM the church. It is MY job. And I realized that I needed to take 1/2 of the money I have been saving toward a new camera and give it to this woman. Do not praise me. It was not easy. There is a part of me that says that maybe I should have given all of it. I don't know. But I do know that what I gave I was SUPPOSED to give.<br /><br />And now I am asking you, dear readers, to consider how we might, as the church, reach out to this woman. I am asking you to pass along this post and let people know that they may contact me if they wish to give to help this woman as she tries to survive until the various charities that she is applying for help with decide if they are going to help her. I have been openly critical of the church, but I know that the people of the church love God and love others. Sometimes we are blind and selfish and need someone to just point out the hurting among us.<br /><br />The need is real, and the need is urgent. This woman needs to know the love of Christ in a tangible way. Let's not tell her be warmed and filled. <br /><br />I am selling prints of the photos I am showing here to raise money to help. At least half of all funds (after printing expenses) are going to help this woman. Make no mistake, there is no tax write-off. NONE. But I'm asking people to step up and help. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfAOeAsB-6_MjthrM4KlGlSo8sEF2H4rc1vqrQuw3YojY9th-bdxzyd10A8Di81WpuqVIow4rvKUulgVOmAgZYXQZ6PaTXqdVqgPqrrx27WaXztHECxbhjAnAPzbz4EOXnzEZu5Q/s1600-h/DCP_1531.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfAOeAsB-6_MjthrM4KlGlSo8sEF2H4rc1vqrQuw3YojY9th-bdxzyd10A8Di81WpuqVIow4rvKUulgVOmAgZYXQZ6PaTXqdVqgPqrrx27WaXztHECxbhjAnAPzbz4EOXnzEZu5Q/s320/DCP_1531.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415667223359418770" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja2jvFOWRfvmVYeR0Tj3dCM-BDwbxNSKrVrecevauG1nQoZsKNrMOzpOBGnwUCLdy-nTCENJmeR-ADjQlrKvMpCr6ckG5WLPc9ZFoG1Fs1yvuK1NYtyrFmdC294cDnSlRv3ZotSw/s1600-h/Inner+Harbor-bridge+sepia.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja2jvFOWRfvmVYeR0Tj3dCM-BDwbxNSKrVrecevauG1nQoZsKNrMOzpOBGnwUCLdy-nTCENJmeR-ADjQlrKvMpCr6ckG5WLPc9ZFoG1Fs1yvuK1NYtyrFmdC294cDnSlRv3ZotSw/s320/Inner+Harbor-bridge+sepia.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415667792987149202" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />5x7 prints $15/ea<br />8x10 prints $22/ea<br />Matting and framing available. Contact me for pricing.<br /><br />If you are interested, please comment below, or if you have my personal email or phone number, you may check in that way, but please mention ACTS 4 PHOTOS in your comment or email subject line. Thank you.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-66354883808946379032009-12-15T13:08:00.002-07:002009-12-15T13:16:55.425-07:00Back to forgivenessSometimes the people I most need to forgive are the last one's I WANT to forgive. They are the least deserving. They don't acknowledge their wrongdoing; they don't ask for forgiveness. As we all are supposed to know, these are the very people we need to forgive. Jesus died for us while we were still in our sins. He came to earth for people who had no idea they were doing something wrong, and for those who knew and did it anyway. He forgave me when I did not ask, he paid the price when I willfully sinned. His actions, his forgiveness is not based on my feeling badly enough, or understanding the depths of my own depravity, or even acknowledging the level of pain I brought upon him. I am incapable of grasping the weight of sins I caused him to bear. But he forgave, and so must I.<br /><br />I must use him as my example, to forgive what has been done to me, for the sake of the love he has shown me. And when I cannot forgive, I simply need ask him to help me, to show me, to teach me to forgive. I ask him to show me my tormentor through his eyes, and I see them through the lens of love and compassion that I may not have on my own.<br /><br />I am humbled and repentant when I see the one I will not forgive through HIS eyes. When the Spirit reveals to me the hardness in my own heart, my heart begins to melt and I weep.<br /><br />I long for the day when forgiveness pours out of me. I long for the day when I diminish and Christ increases to the point where his reaction is mine. Where his heart rules my heart. When mercy is my first thought. When pity moves me and when I cannot hate my fellow man.<br /><br />Oh how I wish I were there. But God isn't finished with me...He will continue the work he has begun.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-59250854742880043622009-12-14T09:42:00.001-07:002009-12-14T09:55:00.022-07:00Rotten little playground bastard.I despise fibromyalgia. This morning I woke up because of pain so severe that in my dreams I couldn't move one leg. When I woke it took me quite some time to convince myself that despite the pain I could move anyway. FM is a freakin' bastard. It's that kid on the playground that lays in wait for you to get involved in something then jumps out and hits your legs out from under you with a bat. You try to forget, but he never leaves, never really goes away.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-90809088555569634672009-12-14T07:28:00.002-07:002009-12-14T07:39:31.812-07:00Penny-wiseI received an email today from the salesperson who sold me my 97 Yukon. "It's been a year!" it trumpeted, and went on to ask for my future and referral business. I wrote the following reply:<br /><br /><blockquote>It HAS been a year. We no longer have the Yukon as the mechanical needs were so extensive I'm writing it off as lesson learned. Only buy a vehicle that a trusted mechanic has looked at. Do NOT allow your better judgment to be shushed because someone tells you that the reason for the low, low price is to get people through the door to look at other vehicles. No, the reason for the low, low price is that there are major flaws with the vehicle. Not that I'm blaming anyone but myself. I should have listened to that voice in my head. That being said, I really loved the vehicle and even drove it cross-country, which was likely fool-hardy in it's condition. Would I ever buy another vehicle from Liberty? Probably not, but only because I'd be 1) too embarrassed by my own stupidity, 2) wondering if I would be foolish enough to listen to another sales pitch, and 3) on edge, wondering if the next vehicle I was looking at contained some horrible flaw which would come back to bite me in no time at all. I'm very unpleasant when I'm on edge and wouldn't want to put you (or me) through that.<br /><br />Thankfully, I will likely never have to decide whether to purchase another vehicle from your dealership as I have moved to Maryland and now get to test the veracity and honor of a host of other dealerships. But I think for now, I will simply focus on finding a good and trustworthy mechanic to thoroughly inspect any used vehicle I would purchase, so that I don't simply take a dealer's word for the condition of the car, particularly if they are selling it "AS IS".</blockquote><br /><br />I nearly hit send, but even though what I wrote is true, it isn't the whole truth. We DID after all get in an accident. The accident made the mechanical problems even worse. We would have had to replace the vehicle without the accident, but leaving out the accident is, well, less than truthful. And the entire note was less than kind. <br /><br />I'm hugely embarrassed by my part in the whole thing. I'm 45 years old. I know better. I did something foolish, like foregoing a $60 mechanics fee when buying a vehicle. Penny-side, pounds foolish.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-8905989379465250702009-12-10T10:31:00.004-07:002009-12-10T10:50:23.582-07:00TicketI came across a traffic ticket that someone else received. It offered the chance to simply cover it with a fine and a signature and checking that you either agree with the charges as filed or to mark "no contest" (or the latin equivalent thereof.) <br /><br />I think this person should pay the fine, check one of the boxes and sign on the dotted line. It's over, it's settled, it's done. It's not a matter of fight it because it's wrong, it's a just charge. This person doesn't think so. No one else, when confronted with the facts of the incident see things as this person sees them, but that's how it goes.<br /><br />I look at the situation and see bad consequences if this person doesn't pay up and sign it away. In fact, I was tempted to pay it for this person, check one of the boxes for them...but there's the sticky part. The signature. I can't do this for them.<br /><br />It occurs to me that we all come to this place in life. We've done something wrong. By our very nature, we are sinful and separated from God. We have the charge from the governing authority, God, and God himself has paid the fine. There is only one box to check--Guilty as charged. But there is the signature line. Ah the signature line.<br /><br />I cannot do that for another. All I can do is to urge them to sign away and take the payment that has already been made. Otherwise the charge stands. Sign away and accept the payment on your behalf and it's wiped away. Done. Gone.<br /><br />Some of us want to protest that we're not guilty. Ahh, it's on tape. So we argue anything and everything to keep from admitting our guilt. We don't want our name on that line.<br /><br />Some people think they would rather sign for their guilt and pay their own fine, but the fine is more than they have ever or will ever own. But they're gonna keep trying, perhaps doing community service, to try to wipe away the fine, or to wipe away their own guilt. It doesn't work. All they need to do is to sign.<br /><br />I'm grateful that God himself was willing to pay the fine for me. Can you imagine the courtroom where the judge hands down the sentence and then pays it himself?<br /><br />Amazing. Wonderful.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-12395896504368053472009-12-04T21:46:00.007-07:002009-12-04T23:12:57.191-07:00NeverthelessSo many hurting people and a faith tradition that I don't believe answers sufficiently the trials and troubles we face in this life. How is it that our expectations became so distant from the truth of scripture? I have had people tell me that God will step in, that he will heal, that he will change the circumstance, that he will lift us out of trouble. I have puzzled over that for years.<br /><br />The Bible that I read says that Stephen was stoned, that sometimes a prophet was beaten, imprisoned, stoned, one was sawn in pieces. Most of the apostles were martyred, many of the first century Christians as well--Nero was known for using Christians as torches. Every one that I can think of who was mightily used of God led lives of suffering. Not everyone mentioned in Scripture, but the mighty ones.<br /><br />How does this mesh with our belief that God is in the business of making our lives okay? Even when our theology disagrees with this belief, our internals are set (at least here in America) for rescue, earthly reward, etc. We buy into the beliefs that all we have to do is work hard, live cleanly, go to church, watch our tongues and try to clean up the behavior of society and our lives will go well. Our careers will flourish, our bank accounts increase and our later years will be easy.<br /><br />We struggle when people have problems. We struggle when their children go astray, and we find all the reasons why, usually things that blame the parents and make us feel better because, since we are doing everything right, our children will not fall into the same things. We struggle when someone suffers from cancer, or when a friend becomes a young widow and we comfort with the lamest offerings we have--God means it for the best, and God has better things for you, or just look at what God will teach you! We don't suffer with them, we recoil from their trouble. It messes with our safety. If we acknowledge that these things aren't the result of their individual failings, or that they aren't some wonderful path they are on, then we acknowledge that we may have to suffer as well.<br /><br />We turn from the family who is underemployed when they have to turn to social services for help. Well, they shouldn't have to go to social services for help. They should be taken care of by the church! The early church did just that. "And there were no needy persons among them." Read Acts 4. <br /><br />The thing is, we were promised suffering. We were promised the difficult path. The Joel Osteen's of the world want you to believe that there is something wrong in that. They deny what scripture teaches and their words make me want to puke! Seriously. They are a vile distortion of scripture.<br /><br />We are promised suffering. We are promised trials. Not, ohmygosh, I couldn't find a decent parking space at the mall today kind of trials, but real soul-wrenching, faith-stretching difficulties.<br /><br />Some of us will have God step in and rearrange the circumstances. He provides some with miraculous healings, some with that tremendous job at just the right time. He provides those Lifetime Movie moments for some. But sometimes (and for me it seems more often than not) he does not intervene. God allows the bad thing. He allows the failures, the loss, the discouragement, the cruelty of others. He allows the loss of possession, the failure of the family or the church, the financial devastation, the job loss, the humiliation of government or charitable assistance. He allows the loss of a precious daughter, that special friend, the husband and provider. He allows a man to walk out on his wife for another woman or for a man. He allows a mother to walk out on her children. He allows parents to abuse their children and children to torment their parents. So very often he does not step in. What then?<br /><br />Seriously, what then?<br /><br />If you are a reasonably serious student of scripture I think these things should not surprise us. We should not be surprised by trials of various description. We were promised them. We were promised that the testing of our faith would produce endurance. We were promised the endurance would complete the work. We are promised that we will suffer many things for Christ's sake.<br /><br />That's not what we want. Heck, it's not what I want. So often I look at others and see God rescue them when he is not rescuing me and I wonder, "why?" It's not a mildly curious question, it is a gut-wrenching, depth-of-my-soul question.<br /><br />I used to beat myself up for those questions, and for asking God to deliver me out of my trials when it appeared he wanted me to walk through them. Jesus, in the garden of Gethsemane asked to be rescued from his upcoming suffering. He asked over and over in a torment that we are told made him sweat as it were drops of blood. That's some serious torment. That's some serious praying. We are told that after hours of this praying--alone, because his friends couldn't be bothered to stay awake while he is suffering so--he says, 'nevertheless, not my will but yours.'<br /><br />And that's the key. I do not understand suffering. I can't explain it. I still prefer the miraculous saves. I know God could have stepped in and healed 18-year-old Alyssa even at the moment of her death. He did not. Why? I don't know. But I know my faith is tested through it.<br /><br />My faith is not tested when God steps in and does the miraculous Lifetime Movie Moment save. It's joyous and I celebrate his goodness with everyone else, but God is good when he <span style="font-style:italic;">doesn't</span> step in, just as he is when he does. God's love is no less when he elects to allow our suffering than when he elects to lift us out of it.<br /><br />I need to remember this. My faith is useless unless it can deal with the bad things. It is useless to me and useless to others. <br /><br />When Uncle Robb was dying of pancreatic cancer, he had been suffering for a long time, but really doing much better than I expected. I visited him one day in one of those moments where I just knew I was supposed to go right then. Things were falling apart. It was a cold snap and the window guys were there replacing the old, drafty windows. He seemed rattled. We were standing in his kitchen. The power snapped off in half of his house (I still don't understand this one) and it was the half with the furnace. At that moment, he crumpled. I don't know how I saw it, because his outward posture didn't change, but I saw it anyway. He said, "I've lost hope." I knew what he meant, and for a change I had the right words.<br /><br />I reached out and wrapped my arms around him, after all, I knew he was dying from the moment I heard his diagnosis. Don't ask me how, but I felt that this time God wasn't stepping in. And there were signs along the way that told me to prepare for his death. Anyway, with my arms around him, I smiled and said, "You haven't lost hope. You've only lost hope for healing in <span style="font-style:italic;">this</span> world. You still have every hope for healing in the next." Robb died fairly peacefully. He was in hospice around two weeks, and in that time was cheerful and sweet and unfailingly appreciative of everything people did to care for him. He was precious.<br /><br />I miss him and may never stop missing him. I cannot explain his suffering away. I will not try to. I accept that this was an awful thing. Horrible. Terrible. Many things in life are. I have two friends my age and younger who are suffering from cancer. My neighbor back home is just finishing up her final round of chemo from this bout of cancer (it's her second.) Alyssa went home to be with the Lord a short time ago, and God has allowed us to lose our house. I cannot explain these things. I cannot explain away or put a happy face on the suffering that my friends are going through.<br /><br />What I cling to and come back to is that God says he loves us. He says he is good. If I believe anything it is that he is who he says he is and that my understanding of that does not change it. If I need evidence, the cross should be all the evidence I need, but I am weak and sometimes (okay, usually) require more. God being God, there is no shortage of evidence of his might, his power, his glory and his love.<br /><br />When I get messed up is when I expect God to step in and stop people from doing terrible things to each other. I get messed up when I assume that we are supposed to live a financially successful, disease-free and trouble-free life, or that because God <span style="font-weight:bold;">can</span> do something means that he is required to do it--for me. <br /><br />Let me never try to encourage someone by telling them that God <span style="font-style:italic;">will</span> rescue them. From experience I know that God can and sometimes does rescue us. From experience I also know that sometimes he does not. May I never tell someone that they just need to believe, as if their faith is the issue, not God's will. When I give false promises, when I tell people that, I am stealing the faith and hope that is real. I deny the truth of scripture. <br /><br />I hear such nonsense and I want to spit. Ptuey! I was once told that our car breaking down was not "the abundant life that God promised" and that if I had faith it would not happen. "Don't you believe God loves you?" the prayer line lady asked. I thought of Stephen at that moment. I mean gimme a break. Was Stephen stoned because of a <span style="font-style:italic;">lack of faith?</span> Was it because God did not love him enough? Was Jesus crucified because he wasn't grasping hold of the abundant life? Or is that faith sad and weak and useless for the reality of life?<br /><br />Your life and my life will have trials. God may miraculously carry you out of yours. Excellent! God may not. Praise him anyway. He is worthy of praise, not just because of what he does for us day by day, but because of who he is! God may part the Red Sea, or dry the river Jordan, or he may hold us in the midst of the flood. He may rescue us or walk with us through the valley of the shadow of death. He may heal or he may not. Nevertheless, not my will, but his. It was good enough for Jesus.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-12375816468169289742009-12-04T08:40:00.002-07:002009-12-04T08:46:17.661-07:00Haven't posted much lately. My fault, she says, stating the obvious. I am in a funk. In limbo. I have no right to be there. God is on the throne, I am warm and filled, had one of the best Thanksgivings I can remember. At least on par with Thanksgivings with the Mattice's and our friends from CCR. Have been helping at church, and am heading out to work some more in a couple of minutes, but the truth is--really, and just between you and me, that though I have more time on my hands now than I have had in a while I do not spend enough time in the word. I have a feeling that this is what is behind my general malaise and dissatisfaction. I am not feasting on God. <br /><br />Granted, I have not filled my new eyeglass prescription and that makes reading smaller print difficult, so I haven't been reading a lot of anything recently which is totally unlike me, but still...Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-20967455858706579982009-11-20T10:23:00.003-07:002009-11-20T12:22:20.221-07:00Lone Surfer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF3azvjQYxFnoFqNOepliBEQvYf_FU0sG7Jp9r-w5Lz1iyePWCcXG_Rm2sSmCZZbpguS_NTxt5yskaXx1LrrAPMAyP4AKLb4Y5sfDZwi5C6wAF4OqblMCGZXvfJY-FBi6lXsbyFA/s1600/lone+surfer+panorama.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 107px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF3azvjQYxFnoFqNOepliBEQvYf_FU0sG7Jp9r-w5Lz1iyePWCcXG_Rm2sSmCZZbpguS_NTxt5yskaXx1LrrAPMAyP4AKLb4Y5sfDZwi5C6wAF4OqblMCGZXvfJY-FBi6lXsbyFA/s400/lone+surfer+panorama.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5406238046271036162" /></a><br /><br />I have a friend who is back in school and it is safe to say that she is in her late 40's. This is not the common thing amongst the people she knows. Neither her church nor her family, I would expect, provides a lot of support. As I was looking through my photos today this one struck me. A lot of times when I watch surfers it is a group of them, egging each other on to do better and laughing when one biffs it. This guy is out in less than ideal surf weather. It was a stormy day. It didn't rain where we were, but it was cool and blowing. Most people stayed away. But this guy, and a few brave or crazy others, went out in the colder temps and caught some more spectacular waves.<br /><br />As I looked at this photo, I wanted to tell my friend, "See? This is what you are doing! You are out surfing alone catching the big wave. Is it risky? Is it lonely? You bet. But look at you go!"<br /><br />I want to be that brave surfer, the one who goes where safety is not guaranteed, who faces the wind and cold and seeks after the God who has revealed himself in the narrow paths, in the dark valleys, in the choppy seas. Does he reveal himself in the huge stadiums with the pretty preacher with his big grin and self-help doctrine? Does he reveal himself in safety? Or does he show himself when we are tested and challenged, when struggle and trials of all descriptions come?<br /><br />Sometimes that means we have to leave even the safety of our friends, to seek deeper, to find more, to delve into scripture in ways that few dare to go. Does this make us freaks? Likely. How about radical obedience? How about radical understanding of grace which allows for things like the loss of home, loss of friends, loss of life. How about walking the path He sets which seems to be so foreign to our understanding. How often when he tells me to do something do I ask, really? Puzzling. I cannot see the way through. But I want that radical faith.<br /><br />I just wish that sometimes it were safer, warmer, more gentle and more socially acceptable.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-72880141248900949822009-11-19T19:34:00.003-07:002009-11-19T20:07:13.211-07:00Thursday, November 19, 2009Got a call about a job today. NOT! I had a feeling when the guy started talking a mile a minute he was talking about an outside sales position and when I asked him a question to ascertain what the position was he hung up on me. So...AFLAC is not going to be my new employer. Several of them have called or emailed me since I put my updated resume on one of the national job boards. They are "so excited" about my qualifications and experience. I think they are excited that I can fog a mirror and can apparently write a coherent sentence.<br /><br />Is this it? Are these the available jobs now? Outside sales positions? I called the census bureau about their upcoming jobs and they are supposed to contact me about upcoming testing for census takers. I was trying for administrative jobs and am still hopeful. Ah well.<br /><br />Hooray. I did not spend any money today. Oh wait, I bought Steve his lunch stuff at the grocery store. Forgot my foo-foo coffee creamer though. Bummer! I avoided the 1)mall, 2)thrift stores, 3)second-hand furniture stores, 4)Starbucks(!) and 5)book stores. All in all an amazing day when you look at it that way.<br /><br />Also I colored my hair last night with one of those two part kind where you do an all-over color first and then add the highlights. I'm allergic to the first part so I did my usual--two Claritin and two Benadryl. I was so sleepy after the Benadryl hit that I didn't do the highlight part. At the moment my hair looks similar to my natural shade. I think. It was supposed to be a medium blond. I think I'm gonna have to go ahead and do the highlights because after I wash it a few times it will lighten up considerably. At least this time it isn't orange-y. <br /><br />Ah more rambling. Well, tomorrow is another day. I wonder what I shall do with it.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-83625371176104904462009-11-18T13:52:00.002-07:002009-11-18T14:32:05.731-07:00It's a Good (will) ThingFinally feeling a bit better and a bit stir crazy, so I took a drive to Bel Air, some 16 miles northeast of here. I was on a brief road trip recently when I decided to stop in at the roadside Goodwill Superstore. Now, I take exception to the term "superstore" in relation to the local Goodwill store. It is most definitely not "super". It's small, has crappy selection, is over-priced (like most everything else here in Maryland) and smells funny.<br /><br />The Goodwill in Bel Air is bigger, has a lot more furniture (and since we got rid of most of ours before moving, I am definitely on the lookout), more decent clothing, a better selection of linens and shoes. Now if you know me and my aversion to used shoes, you will know that this is a growth area for me.<br /><br />Today I found a pair of barely worn Clarks for $8. And they're green!<br /><br />Also, the beautiful lined trenchcoat I saw last time was still there. $20 for a really expensive trenchcoat! And since it rains so much here that seems like a very useful item to have. <br /><br />The best item of today's visit is a set of KitchenAid pots and pans (red!) for $28. These are the very one's I have looked at for ages in the department store but could not bring myself to shell out the cash. <br /><br />There were some other awesome buys, but I let them pass. A pair of beautiful blackout lined coppery brown curtains with a beautifully stitched diamond pattern for $25. With each panel costing about $80-120 retail, this is a STEAL. But I'll have to let someone else steal it :(<br /><br />I'm considering purchasing, and revitalizing furnishings for resale on Craigslist. I think I could do it as long as I'm careful to select items that don't require heavy-duty refinishing and as long as the place we move to has easy access. <br /><br />Living on the third floor (no elevator) makes this impractical right now.<br /><br />I am looking forward to moving soon. We haven't figured out where just yet, but are still hoping to get into Virginia. Steve found a reasonable rental price then asked me if 450 square feet was enough room. Ummmm. No. I think not. Of course once I am locked up in the local psych ward for treatment of my severe claustrophobia, I'm sure Steve would be quite comfortable.<br /><br />Some interesting news today...Steve may be under consideration for long-term work overseas! Possibly in Germany. He asked me what I thought and I said, when do we leave? Are you kidding me? How incredibly awesome is that?<br /><br />I wonder if I can do online school from out of the country? I'm sure I can, don't the military guys do that when they are posted out of the country?Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-47453633347001073082009-11-10T20:53:00.000-07:002009-11-10T20:53:07.198-07:00Polish Pottery & Polish Pottery Stoneware - Handcrafted Dinnerware from Boleslawiec, Poland.<a href="http://www.artisanimports.com/Polish_Pottery/P2906A/9/Pattern.html">Polish Pottery & Polish Pottery Stoneware - Handcrafted Dinnerware from Boleslawiec, Poland.</a><br /><br />Love it. Love it. Love it. Super expensive, but Artisan Imports often has great sales. Do a google search for polish pottery sale.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-67962977168261439062009-11-03T10:25:00.003-07:002009-11-03T12:29:21.282-07:00On BankruptcyI have been hesitant to write on this subject, because to do so opens me up to criticism and because it is a personal decision that people seem to feel the right to require your justification. Also it was so incredibly painful that I really didn't want my open wounds to show. But probably the biggest reason is that in my family no one talked about money. Money was even more private than sex. We were warned that you didn't talk about it, you didn't ask questions, that the entire subject was off-limits. It was considered rude. As a result I was so spectacularly uneducated about money (terribly frugal, but uneducated) that when my husband was making $24,000/year with two little kids and me as a stay-at-home mom, I couldn't understand why we were struggling financially. After all, $24,000 is a lot of money, right?<br /><br />I was reading a financial blog that I subscribe to and the author made a comment about bankruptcy and the people who file it. He commented that he thought it should be both harder to file and have harsher consequences. As someone who used to feel this way myself, I felt I must respond, which I did in a private email to the author.<br /><br /><blockquote>Harsher penalties for bankruptcy? So spectacular business failure, enormous shame, losing one's home and often one's health, etc. isn't enough?<br /><br />There comes a point at which bankruptcy is the only thing that keeps a person from driving off of a bridge.<br /><br />Predatory and harassing collection practices that have some creditors call up to 50 times a day can increase the stress level of the one in debt to the breaking point.<br /><br />If you think bankruptcy is a free pass, think again. One of the reasons people get into debt and cannot get out is that the inability to pay a series of bills, say medical bills, reduces your credit score. Everything you do costs more after that. Insurance costs more, the used car you buy to get to work costs more, and if you tap into the equity you've built up in your home for years to pay off these mounting bills, now your house costs more. <br /><br />If you think bankruptcy is a free pass, think of the financial pain that still continues. And yes, there are some people who seem to have figured out how to play the system, but for most it is an option only slightly favorable to death.<br /><br />I talked to a bankruptcy attorney that I know about this very thing. This is one of those attorneys that is such a decent upstanding guy that I couldn't figure out why he had specialized in bankruptcy. He told me that most people who come to him waited far too long, trying to work things out on their own. Often by the time they come to him their health has suffered dramatically and they have endured absolute hell trying to make things right. For some, bankruptcy's primary function isn't debt relief, it is to stop the calls and to alleviate some of the stress that is so destructive.<br /><br />I know a guy working three jobs. His wife, though suffering from debilitating health problems, nonetheless works full-time. They cannot make ends meet. It isn't that they've been foolish, it's that what was a profitable industry has turned on him, and the jobs he has been able to find in no way replace the income he was once able to count on.<br /><br />After years of this, they are drowning, yet still he works three jobs, keeps looking for better and works harder than most anyone I know, but it is to no avail. Walking into their home is a sad thing now. They have sold off nearly everything they own to keep the lights on and food on the table (which, so far, they have been able to keep), but they cannot keep the wolves at bay. They have had their house on the market for a long time, given up their cars and now drive the beat-up cars that friends have given to them, trying to keep them running to get back and forth to work. Bankruptcy isn't an easy answer for these people, but it may be the only thing that keeps them out of the Red Cross Shelter.<br /><br />There are many who seem to be unaffected by the difficulties of these times. I'm happy for them, but our compassion for those that are pushing a huge boulder up a hill only to have it roll back on top of them over and over again can be lacking.<br /><br />Between the two of us, over the last 2 years my husband and I have both been unemployed, me for 11 months now, and my husband was unemployed for 8 months. He earns twice what I earned, so his was by far the most devastating, but we had no contingency for this moment. All our emergency savings are gone. Even when my husband found work it was out of state and so we were trying to support two households. Think its easy to sell in this market? How about when you are caring for elderly parents in your home? <br /><br />We are not alone in this situation. And we weren't out buying toys and gadgets, nor were we spending frivolously, unless you consider food and utilities frivolous and unnecessary.<br /><br />Unfortunately, bankruptcy is seen this way by most people. It is seen as benefiting the undisciplined masses who don't work hard, buy too many toys and are just trying to take advantage of the situation.<br /><br />Perhaps some would like to bring back slavery as an option or perhaps would like to see the poor farms reopened. One of the horrors of my childhood was driving past the "poor farm" where indebted people and their families were forced to farm huge plots of land and live in this dark, dingy depressing hulk of a building as they atoned for the crime of being poor. Even years after it closed it still maintained its air of abject misery.<br /><br />Predatory lending practices abound, and it is perfectly legal to take advantage of the poor. Payday loan places are an example of this. The poor do not have access to a friendly banker who will assist them with a short-term loan to fix that transmission, nor do they have access to a vast emergency fund to cover the expenses of unexpected illness, broken down vehicle, etc. When they turn to the payday loan places (because they must have the medication, they must fix their car to get to work, or the have run out of groceries) they are charged 600% interest or more. Of course I add into this figure the so-called fees, which are charged every two weeks.<br /><br />So a person taking out a loan for two weeks (the maximum time allotted) will pay $60 for a $300 loan. On his/her next payday, it is unlikely that they can spare the $360 to pay off the debt in it's entirety, so they will continue the loan by paying the $60. Another $60 will come due in 2 weeks, and so on and so on. What was a one-time emergency has now become a $120/month drain on income. Add to this the premium this person is paying for deposits on everything, this person is trying to run uphill in the mud.<br /><br />Try complaining to your congressman about this predatory lending practice. Or your senator. Write to those on the banking committee. You will receive a polite response that these businesses provide a valuable service to the poor.<br /><br />No. Just like everyone else, these businesses prey on the poor, taking advantage of their poverty and adverse circumstances to make a buck.<br /><br />And yes, the middle class also has their share of financial woes which lead to bankruptcies. For all your great planning, no one can be fully prepared for every emergency and catastrophe. Illness, a wayward child, natural disasters, unemployment...these things can cripple you and hit you over and over, or coming all at once are a tidal wave that sweeps you under, despite all your planning and saving.<br /><br />It isn't an easy way out. It isn't a character defect. In fact as a fellow person of faith, I challenge you to read the portions of Deuteronomy that talk about the year of release (KJV). This is what changed my mind about the stigma of bankruptcy. God never intended for a person to be in perpetual debt, in perpetual poverty. Every seven years all debt was to be wiped away. And God never intended for people to lose their homes. He granted lands to his people. It wasn't owned by another or taxed by government (and thus only yours if you can pay the taxes). It belonged to you and to your family forever.<br /><br />Reading on, puzzling over and meditating on these things has changed my perspective on God's view of debt, poverty, foreclosures, and bankruptcies. <br /><br />When our business failed, we were in it so deep with receivables that we could not collect, from deep-pocketed contractors whose job in life seemed to be to avoid paying their legitimate debts, deep into it with a contractor who stopped payment after accepting our bid and signing a contract simply because they found someone else who would do the work more cheaply...We had suppliers who over-billed, double-billed and then went around us so that our contractors paid their inflated bills before paying us. We were too small to fight them all. The legal bills would have bankrupted us as quickly as what they did to us.<br /><br />Did we make mistakes? Certainly. The biggest was in thinking that doing our job, doing it well, professionally and with excellence was enough. It was not. We were also supposed to be legal experts, contract enforcement experts, and have voluminous resources at our disposal to pay for their projects then fight it out in court.<br /><br />When it got so bad that I couldn't eat, hadn't eaten in over 30 days without throwing up, had lost over 20 pounds in less than a month, when I could not even answer the phone any more...we started to face the music. This was not a win-able war we were fighting. Our accountant had been telling us that we needed to file for bankruptcy for a while, but we kept fighting on, trying to pay down our debts and beat this through sheer determination and hard work. <br /><br />We hadn't been paid in two years. The end was in sight, the corner being turned when at the worst possible moment, a contract was pulled after having been signed and paid for, the check canceled just moments after being deposited, and our supplier began double-charging us, not crediting us the refunds we were due, and generally making our lives hell.<br /><br />Was bankruptcy an easy choice? No. It was horrible. It is humiliating, shameful, and rocked me to the core of my being. I have never felt like a worse person. Suicide is not an option for me. I don't believe in it, and I would not want my kids to have to clean up our financial mess, but what it came down to is this--with my income (I quit the business and found a decent job) I could not pay down off our debts and survive (!) in less than 20 years. As it turns out, I only had that job for one year (long enough for the bankruptcy to go through) before our entire branch closed. <br /><br />I'm not whining. Just explaining that I don't know how I would have survived it except for the surprising comfort I found in Deuteronomy. Reading that it was not God's intention that his people be in perpetual debt but that he created a safety valve--a release from debt--made me able to once again lift my head.<br /><br />We aren't on easy street. In spite of the bankruptcy, we are losing our house. Our finances were predicated on being able to keep our jobs at least long enough to fully replenish our emergency funds. Both our industries are in the dumpster right now. We have sold off most of our belongings and I am currently sitting in an apartment far from home, with someone's cast off couch, a cardboard box as an end table, a single lamp I was able to cart across country. We have no credit card debt, and are keeping up with the medical bills--barely.<br /><br />I'm not complaining. Really. I just think that perhaps you don't know the toll a bankruptcy has on you. It's horrific.</blockquote>Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-74072244720390669592009-09-30T19:47:00.003-06:002009-09-30T20:17:53.582-06:00Pop Quiz<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5L0oJfKHpTNb9qqre1QpSw_dEOTKYTrRTi5sbP9SccCKjkWKx10ffrmj4TXDaWQ8vdpJEpzDU6Bz8Bn5x6ocslxpQ-tu2x2pG2kYUTAok9H2hO4tDcMoJLUoU64WOkunP4z2XbA/s1600-h/ottoman.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5L0oJfKHpTNb9qqre1QpSw_dEOTKYTrRTi5sbP9SccCKjkWKx10ffrmj4TXDaWQ8vdpJEpzDU6Bz8Bn5x6ocslxpQ-tu2x2pG2kYUTAok9H2hO4tDcMoJLUoU64WOkunP4z2XbA/s320/ottoman.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5387442383513453186" /></a><br />Tonight I remedied one of the deficits of this apartment. Nothing but cardboard boxes and an upturned 5 gallon bucket for end tables. This great buy found on Craigslist turned into a pop quiz on contentment as my eyes were enticed by the beautiful upscale condominium and extraordinary furnishings. <br /><br />The woman was very nice and had the kind of self-confidence that comes from being thin, beautiful, successful and well-off. I felt incredibly frumpy, poor and unattractive next to her. All of my flaws were on display, not just to her, but even more to me. I left there ashamed of my hair, my clothes, my vehicle, my home, and my life. I fought with myself half the way home, knowing that my dissatisfaction is nothing other than sin and a lack of gratitude for what God has provided and resentment that he doesn't provide for me as he has this woman.<br /><br />I had to repent. Oh how wicked and tricky my heart is. Just when I think I'm fine, when I have been reminded of the important things in life, like the life and health of my children, my great friends, my salvation, my Lord, I am blindsided with a test that nearly fells me. Just when I think my eyes are on Christ, I look down at the waves, at my leaky boat, and I so quickly fall.<br /><br />SeanSean plotted a course for me there that took me through town rather than on the Interstate as I would have preferred. Not knowing how to get around downtown, I sighed and followed his lead through some rather dicey areas, run down, beat up, boarded up, depressed areas that were, if not scary, a bit unnerving. <br /><br />Strange how my thoughts did not thank God for providing so well for me that I did not live in these places where shots ring out almost nightly and bars on the windows still don't make you feel safe and secure. I was not thanking God for my blessings, rather irritated that others had it so well. Not my proudest moment.<br /><br />So on my trip back home from that luxury condo, I prayed, asking forgiveness from the God who gives that liberally, and I thanked him for many of the things I am grateful for. And I thanked him that this lovely woman wanted to sell her beautiful ottoman on Craigslist rather than moving it with her. Would I <span style="font-style:italic;">ever</span> pay retail for it? Not likely. I'm too frugal for that.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5924699.post-38490212243769480922009-09-18T07:09:00.004-06:002009-09-18T07:33:52.233-06:00No Constants on My Horizon But God<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMgCZtsYRzuavPpwTB8-sC_OpsSnJSCIUbafpiWDNQlo7elwBLu7SmBZZVj0QlH-2qtqHuYgpfjfJRwc5p0aJY49FGVuwJ_i-Qshnzzi5Zd4soFqrhv8usHf6DZHfy0NplM112Ag/s1600-h/Panoramic+surf.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 120px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMgCZtsYRzuavPpwTB8-sC_OpsSnJSCIUbafpiWDNQlo7elwBLu7SmBZZVj0QlH-2qtqHuYgpfjfJRwc5p0aJY49FGVuwJ_i-Qshnzzi5Zd4soFqrhv8usHf6DZHfy0NplM112Ag/s400/Panoramic+surf.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382799693428422818" /></a><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">I recently wrote the following to a friend in response to their newsletter. It states things perhaps as clearly as I have communicated them so I thought I would share it here. It is the beginnings, I think for an article or message on dealing with the struggles of this time--our troubled economy, joblessness, foreclosures, bankruptcies, and fears of all descriptions.</span><br /><br /> I especially resonated with the last note from you. Lately I have been feeling the same way. Everything in life is changing and I feel I understand the Israelites in their desert wandering and complaining more and more. The impermanence of their existence, never having a clue what tomorrow brings, is a state which seems similar to your path and to mine.<br /><br />For a long time I rather envied that they had the cloud as a visible reminder of God's presence and direction, but I have started thinking how much better off we are. They could not hear their God, he spoke to them through intermediaries. Sure they saw a representation of his presence all the time, but they did not know him on a personal level. So we are able to hear from God personally, and while it seems that some have a stable even-keeled life, we are not those people. We do not have that. In fact I can think of few people in Scripture who, in following after God and being called by him, had that stable life.<br /><br />It seems to me, and I'm no theologian, that God takes his people--the one's I call God's Guys and God's Gals, and the paths he sets them on are defined by requiring dependence on Him and Him alone. <br /><br />One further word...the speaker on Sunday said something I had never thought of before. He was talking about our misplaced devotion to stuff, and talked about Paul learning to be content in whatever state he is in, whether in poverty or in want. He pointed out that Paul LEARNED this. I take comfort in that. It appears that I am in the School of Contentment--I think I've reached college, but the finals are awful. It's the practicums that are messing with my GPA if you know what I mean. It isn't necessarily finances that we have to deal with in the area of contentment, though that is part of it, for me it is that wandering feeling, when there are no constants on my horizon but God.<br /><br />The walks of God's Guys and God's Gals are the stuff of legend. They make great epic tales. Epic tales are hard to live through, however. You all are in an epic tale of your own. "We went to start a school in Thailand..." may be the first sentence of your narrative, much like "I had a farm in Africa..." (Out of Africa) and mine may be "Whatever it takes." I prayed... And thus our stories begin in seemingly simple ways, but the telling of them involves much chaos and suffering and sorrow, but then the tales of God's Guys and Gals have always been this way. I take comfort in that.<br /><br />May you breeze through your school of contentment more easily than I with no repeat classes.Kim in Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10401848207871769424noreply@blogger.com0