What NOT to Say in a Job Interview

Question: What would you say your weaknesses are?

Answer: I talk too much. (What I hear is: I'm going to talk all day and never get anything done.)

Answer: I don't really have any. (Oh, really? And this is based on the 6 months of total job experience? On the limited software knowledge and experience evident on your resume? On the fact that you have somehow attained the perfection that the rest of the world is merely striving for? Oh, and you are looking for a job...why? Because if you are such an incredibly well-rounded and capable individual, you should be able to take the part-time position you are currently working and turn it into a Fortune 500 company in no time at all, right?)

Answer: I don't have any. (Oh, so you know everything there is to know in the field you specialize in and there is no room for improvement or further schooling in any aspect? You have experience and are considered an expert in every sub-specialty? Humble, too, aren't you?)

Of course, that is not what I say, although I do remind people that based on weakness I can see in their background, it might behoove them to recognize those weaknesses and to know what they have done and continue to do to overcome those weaknesses.


Things not to DO in an interview.....

1. Bring in an incomplete application. The application is test #1 of your ability to follow directions and be thorough and display the "attention to detail" you mentioned in your resume.

2. Ask for something NOT offered. If I offer you water, don't ask for a soda.

3. Don't show up more than 10-15 minutes early. Makes me uncomfortable trying to do my work knowing you are out there twiddling your thumbs. If you arrive that early, please find my office and then go hang out in the building lobby or in the car for a few moments if you must.

4. Don't just blow off the interview, assuming it won't matter and that you can simply reschedule later if your plans don't work. Call me. If you cannot find the number, do what one classy lady did and show up to explain in person why you won't be proceeding with the interview process.

5. Don't get defensive with me. Even if you feel some of my questions are trying to trip you up, there may be a reason I am asking. (Of course, I am NOT asking the forbidden questions.)

6. Don't offer me information I did not ask, especially information about your living situation, your sexual orientation, your child-care dilemma, or your breast-feeding difficulties. Save that for Oprah or your best friends. I cannot help but wonder how dependable you are going to be if you are extremely concerned about leaving exactly at 5 to get to day care, or if you cannot work before 9 because of dropping the kids off at school.

7. Do NOT come into my office with perfume or smelly hairspray or other chemical odors. You have no idea whether I am chemically sensitive, asthmatic, or simply hate the smell of your cologne.

8. A breath mint, please! Oh my. A speedy interview it will be if you smell in any way. I am human and don't want to subject others to the kind of odor I find offensive.

9. Women! Professional women do not show up at interviews with black, purple, sparkly, orange other wild colored nail polish. They do not show up in skin-tight attire with cleavage spilling over the top of their shirts.

10. Men! Don't sit too close, lean in too far or choose the "power chair". Beware of body odors. If you must have facial hair, it should be neatly groomed. Do not try to come across too high-powered with the interviewer.

11. Do not be rude or dismissive or abrupt with anyone. Ever. At the least, treat everyone in this office with respect in EVERY contact. People notice when you are rude to the waitress, to the telephone operator, to the janitor and to the parking attendant. Your rudeness speaks more loudly about who you are than your subsequent words ever can.

12. Do follow up after the interview with a polite thank you and express an interest in the job, but do NOT tell me how much you need the job, how you are the sole support of a disabled spouse, etc. That kind of emotional blackmail with likely backfire, even if you do not intend it that way. The more desperate you seem the more uncomfortable I am about your ability to handle the stress of the work environment, no matter how badly I feel about your personal situation.

13. I know you are concerned that your employer not be a jerk about you needing to care for a sick child, but if you ask me about that at the first interview, before there is a job offer, you have let me know that you are not as concerned about doing a good job as you are about your personal life. I need to know that you will not take advantage of my generous spirit or of the supervisor I place you with.

14. Don't bad-mouth ANYONE unless you are prepared to take a bullet for it. (Not literally, of course.) I had someone call and make disparaging remarks about someone I had worked with and considered not just a friend, but someone I respected and admired. I coolly informed the caller of that as she tried to extract her foot from her mouth. Also, you never know the context in which the person you are sitting across from may know that person. They may be a personal friend, a neighbor, someone who sits on a Board of a local charity, or even a relative. Even if they aren't related, or possibly share your dislike of the person, you will receive marks for your lack of discretion. Trust me. I have occasionally opened my mouth when I should have kept it shut, and listened while other people said things they should have kept to themselves.

15. Be prepared for the tough questions. Why did you lose that position? Why did you leave there? Why is your job history so spotty? What have you been doing for the past three years?
If your answers are emotional, practice responses that are true but not too revealing until you can say them comfortably and unemotionally. If you were fired, be upfront about the reasons, but be prepared to discuss what you learned from it (and you better have learned something from it, or you aren't ready to job-hunt.)



What Impresses Me As an Interviewer...

1. A professional appearance and relaxed confidence.
2. Respect for my time.
3. Listening when I speak, just as I will listen when YOU speak.
4. A neatly printed application, and other paperwork COMPLETELY filled out in advance.
5. Present me with a copy of your resume. Ask if I wish to see letters of recommendation and provide me with copies I can keep if I say yes.
6. Follow instructions. If I ask for "supervisory references", or the application requests "professional references", your Shao-Lin instructor does not count, nor does your Mother-In-Law, your best friend from college or your pastor, unless you were the church secretary or bookkeeper.
7. Someone who has done some research on my company (given that I send them a link to my company website when confirming the interview). Given that, it does not show much interest or initiative when you are unaware what kind of company we are.
8. Someone who knows who they are and expresses their abilities, education, experience and work style effectively. Truthfully letting me know who you are may mean that you don't get this specific position, but I may know of another position that would be ideal given all those factors, or I may refer you to another company where I think you would be a good fit. Also, you do not know what I am looking for. There may be something about the position you are unaware of, so you mentioning that you prefer a niche or routine, clearly-defined job may not be the killer you are afraid of. If you say you want an atmosphere where everyone really gets along like family, you better mean that that is a deal-make-or-break for you, as I may know that there is a challenging personality in the mix making you a bad fit. So be truthful, but don't overstate your wants as requirements.
9. A firm (not painful) handshake both on meeting and on concluding the interview. Please excuse yourself from handshakes if you may be contagious. I appreciate it when someone tries to spare me their colds/flu exposure.


RESUME FLAWS

1. Does it haf to be sed agin? Mispellins say "I dont car abuot ths job."
2. If you are going for an accounting position, don't go on an on about your pursuit of your degree in biology and your long-term goal of studying sperm whales in their natural environment. I know then that this is a stop-gap job. If this is part of your resume, please explain in a cover letter why you are looking for a particular position while you are attending four years of schooling in the local area.
3. Too much detail. The resume is the advertising teaser not your auto-biography.
4. Too little detail. Remember those ads for ING that were nothing but the letters? Who cared? Weren't we really just annoyed that someone was wasting our time saying something without really saying anything? A resume without any job details ends the process with the trash can.
5. An unrealistic salary expectation. Why are you listing a salary expectation anyway? The salary is something we discuss once there is an offer on the table, after you have peaked my interest and sold me on your stellar abilities and charm.
6. Personal detail. Don't need to know you are married, have four kids, your height and weight, or other such personal details.
7. Don't try to snow me by trying to make your previous job duties sound more impressive and extensive than they were. I know that someone seeking $12/hour did not run the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, for instance.
8. Wild colors. Ick!
9. LOSE THE OBJECTIVE! Unless you are exceptionally good (and you aren't) and willing to tailor your objective to each job (and you won't, or you would be L-Y-I-N-G, at least to some). Just leave it. A Skills Summary or Summary of Relevant Experience is much more useful TO ME.
10. If you've done some weird or interesting project as part of a job, do list it. It might be the one thing that keeps your resume out of the trash. I, for instance, have gotten job interviews based on my "Bomb Squad Detail", which consisted of putting on safety gear and walking around a construction sight on two occasions looking for bombs following bomb threats.

In Sickness and In Health

It's a balmy 32º (feels like 24º) according to MSN Weather, which usually means it is several degrees cooler at my house. Snow is falling again and beginning to stick to rooftops. I woke up this morning feeling...well...off. You know the feeling when you wonder, am I sick? Am I getting sick? But, despite feeling bad, since you aren't puking, and don't have mucus escaping through facial orifices, you go to work anyway, hoping you are simply being paranoid and that if not, that no one will catch something from you. Never mind that the office has been a breeding ground of germs from other sick people coming in and out, yours would no doubt be the toxic ones.

Anyway, I got up (late) and dragged my dressed and groomed but unfed self into work. I was pretty sure I should eat something so I stopped at a drive-through and picked up a grease sandwich. Got to work and upon opening the bag and feeling a protest in my gut decided that I wasn't quite ready to eat. The boss had brought in some lovelty pumpkin bread, but even that was giving me that airsick, carsick, seasick feeling. Not a good sign.

When do you give up? When do you decide not to be a trooper? I've never had much admiration for those folks who work through the flu, nasty horrid colds, intestinal bugs, etc., displaying their mettle but undermining my health and that of the others in the office. If you think you might be contagious, isn't it the kind thing, the loving thing, not to pass it along? Or do we so value that type-A driven person that we strive to keep on plugging no matter what?

By 9:30 I was pretty sure I was sick, and by 10 I had passed on my interviews, cleared my desk and tended the fires that needed tending and was on my way home. And here I've been, asleep for the last 5 hours, a sure sign of something not being right.

Where do you fall when it comes to the sometimes opposing responsibilities toward your job and to the health of your co-workers?

Which dog am I?

Something about my new dog, Bear, has been gnawing at me lately. Over time it has become apparent that this dog, a yellow lab mix does not seem to be developing any real kind of attachment to me, not in the same way as Barney, who had to be euthanized last summer. Barney adored me. He wanted to be with me all the time—not because I did anything for him in particular, but simply because he wanted to be with me. He loved being in my presence.

Bear wants something from me almost every minute I am with him. I can almost hear his thoughts:

Ball. Ball. Ball. Ball. Throw the ball. Where’s my
ball? Ball. The Ball. Want the ball. Throw the ball.
Throw the ball. THROW THE BALL! THE BALL. BALL!
BALL! BALL! BALL! Get my ball. Throw my ball.
Ball. Ball. Ball. THE BALL! I WANT THE BALL!

I think he would go off with anyone without a backward glance if only they had a ball.

This has been a grave disappointment to me. I miss the adoration and love I got from my Barney. Bear is a good dog. There’s nothing really wrong with him, he’s not nervous or mean, is not a biter, doesn’t beg, doesn’t tear things up…he just doesn’t display the kind of affection for me that I long for.

As I’ve pondered this, I’ve wondered if that isn’t how we are with God. He longs for a friendship, for the loving adoration of his people, but so often we just want something from him. We don’t want to spend time in his presence because we love and adore him, because we worship him, but because he has the ball, whatever that looks like for us. Do we weary him with our impatient, whining requests for the object of our longing? Or does he provide us good things anyway, but have a sadness in his heart, a longing, for our adoration?

I’ve just been thinking….

Old Photos

I know, I know. You're probably one of those people who never have photos sitting in a camera that you haven't printed. You never have a disposable camera sitting around waiting to be developed and the last time you saw 35mm film no one even knew who Monica Lewinsky was...

Well, that's not me. I finally took in about 5 disposable cameras and rolls of film, wondering what was on them. Was one of them the missing roll from our Italy trip 4 years ago? Would one of them contain pictures of the kids when they were little?

The first set of pictures I opened had pictures of my dead dog, Barney. Oh, how I miss him. Another set had pictures of a friend who died a few years ago. There were pictures of construction projects I no longer remember, and pictures of Craig on one of his visits home, and pics of my beautiful wallpaper. In the pics you can't see the messed up seams, the bad cuts, the peeling. You only see the beauty.

Life is filled with these kind of moments. Memories of good times, good friends, good dogs, and times that bring both tears to your eyes and a smile to your face. Now I have to wonder where on earth that roll of Italy pics went to... There were some wonderful shots of the fountain near the main bus/train terminal in Rome. Oh, well. At least I still remember it. My memories include sights AND sounds and smells. It includes the feel of the spray on my face and the cooling night breeze on my skin. I'm pretty sure the pics don't include that. Wouldn't it be fun if they did?

One Body Divided

I've been troubled about some things I see in the church. If we are all "the" church, as in one body, one bride of Christ, why does this group think they are better than the rest of the groups which gather in other places? I'm not being clear, so let me restate this.

In the tradition I grew up in, the "denomination" for lack of a better word, people often said that we met in "the New Testament way" and some were even overheard to say that they were glad they didn't go to those other churches where they didn't teach the truth. The pervasive attitude seemed to be that of pride that we have the corner on truth. What relief people felt that we had the proper interpretation of Scripture and what horror we felt at the thought that we might have wound up with one of those "other" churches where they didn't know the truth. The air of superiority that many displayed was nauseating. Of particular contempt were the charismatics and those churches that used contemporary music, guitars and electrical equipment and "didn't show proper respect", by which it was meant that they didn't dress up, that some women wore pants, some men jeans and that they didn't follow the rules for dress that they believed scripture ordained. The service, they felt, did not have appropriate formality and seriousness.

I now attend a church that uses contemporary music, guitars, keyboard, drums, electric guitars and bass, and makes every attempt to put biblical teaching in the language of today. While I love this church, I also love my old church and find that there is some of the same attitude here. There is a disdain for traditional churches and their members, for hymns and even old Christmas carols that disturbs me. In my old church there was a disdain for the young and for a passionate pursuit of God that wasn't always restrained and dignified (and where is that in scripture?) In this church, I hear (though not from the leadership) a contempt for traditional denominational churches and a lack of understanding and respect for the Christians of yesterday and the faith of our fathers.

The music that is so often disdained on both sides is the outpouring of hearts that love God. Why shouldn't we all rejoice in that? The sacrifice of the past generations should be respected by the current, and the passions of the young should bring joy to the hearts of their elders. There was a time when those hymns were considered as scandalous as the new music of today. There was a time when the church was horrified by musical instruments, by parts, by the joining of voice and instruments, by the voices of women. People whose hearts were filled with their love of Christ defied those standards, not out of rebellion, but out of love and passion. That same passion and love rules in the hearts of the young.

The young reject not just the restrictive forms of the traditional churches, but the members themselves, not recognizing the preservation of the gospel by those who have gone before, by their sacrificial giving that allowed missions to the furthest parts of the earth. They seem unaware of the hours of labor, the years of devotion and service their older brothers and sisters have given to the cause of Christ.

We spend so much time concerned with our own comfort and our own likes and dislikes that we aren't as concerned about the church as a whole as we should be. Whether we like it or not, the gray-haired wrinkled fuddy-duddy and the rainbow-haired, tattoed, pierced kids in black tees and jeans are brothers and sisters. We are one. One body, one bride, one church.

Missed Lesson

The preacher claimed financial abundance
was promised to all who believed
Ignoring the promise of trials
Jesus gave to those who are his.
He claims we all get health! and wealth!
Right here! Right now! For you and me.
But Jesus (who is our example)
had nowhere to lay his head.
No savings, no stocks, no bank account,
With heaven his only home.
His friends would turn and deny him,
His body abused and torn
But the preacher claims there is none of that
for those who rightly are his.
What about Stephen, the stoned one,
Or Paul who was beated and jailed,
Peter who died upside-down on a cross,
John the Baptist beheaded and scorned?
Can you tell me how Preacher misses that?
Is it deliberate blindness he grasps?
Does he willingly knowingly teach a lie?
If he does I can only wonder why? Why?

Listening to Others

I was thinking the other day...someone I know has offered advice which I am not taking and that makes them really irritated and they make some snippy comments. I sat for a while thinking about what would happen if I went along with them simply to appease them and lose their sneering. Imagining I had gone along with their advice I wrote the following:

I did what they wanted because to resist what they believed to be wise earned their contempt. In doing so I resisted my own wisdom and earned my own contempt. Of the two, mine is harsher.

This is how we resist the temptation to go along simply to get along. The contempt of others is rarely as hard to take as our own, but sometimes the pain of someone's critical remarks causes us to do something we believe is foolish or wrong unless we evaluate what is in our heart, our mind, our own conscience. Surely there is a time for striving to earn the high opinion of another, but never at the expense of our own self-respect.