Today's at church, Matt talked about God, the Perfect Father. He talked about how our fathers can damage our picture of who God is and that although fathers are meant to be a representation of God to their children, they are flawed, and so it's like looking into a cracked, dirty mirror for a picture. The good news is that God is NOT a reflection of our fathers, he is the perfection of fatherhood. He is pure in motive, in love, in deed. He listens and understands as no one else can. He accepts us unconditionally and without expectation, and he completes us. He loves us and blesses us and says "I'm so glad you are MINE!"
If you have a flawed father (and who doesn't) it should be a huge relief to know that that isn't what God is like. If your father is cold, unforgiving, cutting, cruel, abusive, neglectful, absent, passive, unfeeling, uncaring, busy, demanding, or withholding, you will look at God and expect him to be the same. My dad, bless his heart, has been an insulin dependant diabetic since he was a teenager. While I was growing up, in addition to the flaws he brought to the role based on his relationship or lack of same with his father, in addition to his own personality flaws, insecurities and extraordinary expectations, he had personality disorders caused by blood sugar issues. At dinner time he was usually quite irritable until his blood sugar stabilized. Dinner time was...um, er...difficult.
Well, I don't want to go into my dad's shortcomings here. It would be really unkind. Suffice it to say that I know he's feeling better when he begins insulting me or saying hurtful things about me publicly. He doesn't mean to, and perhaps doesn't really understand how these things hurt me, and besides, I am a far from perfect parent and should probably not "throw the first stone".
The point is, that I have great pains, neurosis, difficulties and ideas and fears about God that interfere with a clear picture of who he is. I have a hard time believing that He accepts ME! Oh, sure everyone else, but my flaws...my fears...my behavior would keep me from being accepted. I can't meet the standard.
But recently I have begun to see that all along, God had provided me with surrogate dads who had qualities that my dad could not express. Jack Boucher and Bob Holli both gave me unconditional acceptance and the feeling that they were proud of me. Dad never had that growing up and could not give it to me. I have trouble expressing unconditional approval and acceptance to my children. I wish it were not so.
However, looking to Jack and Bob, I have examples for what that looks and feels like. And in their example I can see glimpses of God as Father that provide me a less cloudy view.
Matt talked about how children raised by a particular kind of Father have trouble connecting with people, and I confess that as much as I love people I feel rather disconnected at all times. It was all I could do not to cry. I have often wondered what flaw in my being makes me incapable of that connection. If that flaw, that broken spot in me, is due to nurture, then can't the nurture of God heal that? Can't he tear down the wall that separates me from others?
This disconnection is what makes me a writer. My natural detachment allows me to watch and observe in ways that many people don't. It does bother me, though. I wonder if other people are aware of the wall.
I withhold parts of myself because I doubt that anyone could really love the lazy, nervous, sad, sarcastic, willful, horrid parts of me. After all, I don't love those parts of me. I am disgusted by those parts. The horror of FM is that I have to fight my innate laziness, and sometimes the pain is so restricting it feels like giving in to the laziness. I am often not sure if I should push harder than I do. Am I giving in or taking reasonable precautions? Do I feel the pain more intensely than it really is as an excuse for laziness?
Anyway, that was a bit off subject, but as I could never meet the expectations of my Father, I am plagued with self-doubt. Does this have to be? Ah, no. but I'm afraid that even when we have overcome our past doubts and difficulties, they remain weak spots, and like scars that are fully healed, still the sight or even the touch brings back phantom pains. Else why would a person who has long since given up smoking return to the habit? After a few days the physical addiction is gone, but for many there remains a weakness that is purely mental.
And so it is with my doubts. I've never been 100% free of them, but I am getting better. Mental discipline and scripture are the key. Take every thought captive, and all of that.
So....to make a long story short (too late!) I have decided to do my level best to see in my father all the traits that I always longed for. I have decided that when we get to heaven and our sin-scarred selves are burnt away, that we will be seen for traits we had but did not know how to show. My father, I am convinced, is a kind, loving, and gentle man. Were he capable of understanding the effect his words have on his children he would monitor them more closely and would express his love in the ways each of us want to hear. So I am determined to treat him as if he were already expressing himself that way. I am working on this and so I am flawed in the execution, but this is the goal.
May I spend time with my HEAVENLY Father, learning what the perfect father is really like, and may that affect the way I treat others, including my parents, my husband, my kids, my friends, neighbors, fellow students, teachers, fellow churchmembers, pastors and the people at the checkout counter. And may you choose to see me as perfect and complete--the way I will be in heaven when the reflection of my Father God is clear.
Showing posts with label Christian life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christian life. Show all posts
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Wines
Okay, this is a strange subject for me to write about, and even makes me a bit nervous. There is so much criticism on the subject of alcohol among Christians. Never mind that Jesus turned water into wine as his first public act of ministry and miracle. Never mind that Jesus began at a party of all things. Never mind that the Bible only says not to be drunk. We have a strange attitude toward alcohol and other things in the church.
I was a tea-totaller until I was 30 if you don't count the two drinks I tried in high school, communion wine (blech!) and a taste of an almond wine a guest brought to thanksgiving dinner while still living at home. At thirty I realized that my kids were picking up the same attitudes that frustrated me in the rest of the church. One of my kids made a comment about someone having had a (gasp) beer! They were horrified and judgemental and I realized then that I had not communicated what the Bible says and what I really believe.
That being said, it was a little hard for me to have a glass, as I could feel hundreds of disapproving eyes on me. Still do sometimes. Also, there is a strong history of alcoholism in my family. So I sat the kids down and explained the dangers given our family history, but because I was pretty sure I did not share the family alcoholism, given my reaction to alcohol as a kid, I began having a glass of wine on occasion. It had become clear to me that my kids were not going to believe what I said, and that I needed to model responsible drinking.
There are things about a glass of wine that really appeal to me. Wine glasses are lovely in shape and form. wine bottles are beautiful and the color of wine so beautiful. The process of wine making is filled with beautiful images. Vines heavy with grapes, the picking, crates filled with lush clusters, the crushing, the fermenting, the rows of oak casks, bottling, tastings. The whole thing invokes images of long tables set in sun-dappled gardens, crisp white linens gently flapping in the breeze, while a dozen or more friends and family laugh and talk and eat fresh produce, fine cheeses, and pass glorious platters of pasta and bottles of the latest vintage. In these visions I always hear Italian spoken.
So, to the point of my post...my particular favorite wines.
Generally speaking, I prefer reds and have a partiality to slightly, or even more than slightly, sweet reds. I also have a kind of rule about wines--I usually only buy wines in the $10 range, either recommended by someone I trust or fairly highly rated in wine snob circles. Two of my top wines don't fit that, but instead are wines that were given to me by someone else, and are a bit out of my budget for all but the most special occasions.
1. I wish I could remember the name of this one. It is a lovely merlot in a very simple bottle with the simplest and classiest label. I remember a simple gilt outline "T" as the main visual of a very subtle label. Dark bottle. A co-worker and his wife made me a gift of this one. I meant to keep the bottle til I wrote the info in a wine-tasting book, but the bottle disappeared. I would know it if I saw it, but I know it is more than my $10 range.
2. Beaulieu Vineyard Reserve Pinot Noir. Without a doubt the best wine I have ever tasted, but at $40 a bottle, a bit out of my price range.
3. The wine I buy and try to keep in my wine rack at all times: Roadkill Red by Colorado Cellars. At $12/bottle, it is more than what I pay to try new stuff, but I already know I will love this one. It is a semi-sweet light red wine that goes with a lot of stuff, or stands on it's own. I missed the Wine Festival in Manitou Springs this year, so I am down to my last bottle. My local liquor store can't get this one (you can buy it online, but they self-distribute, so he can't get it for his store) so I plan to go to the wine festival on the western slope in September. I fully intend to make Colorado Cellars one of my stops and to pick up several bottles of this one.
I don't drink often, and I hate to open a bottle and drink alone (Steve is diabetic and can't drink), so it only takes a few bottles to be my yearly allotment. One of my plans for the kitchen remodel is to install a small wine refrigerator so that I can have a selection of varieties of wine for cooking and drinking. The sweeter wines aren't so good for sauces and stews, so you need a selection of Burgundy, Cabs, and I will occasionally open a generic red or chianti and use it for both.
For sparkling wines, I like Moscato d'Asti. It is much sweeter than champagne, which I find distasteful.
My daughter laughed when she saw me drinking White Zinfindel. Working at a five-star restaurant, she became conversant with good wines, so when we ate there, I let her pick for me. I don't know the name of the white she chose for me, but it was lovely, I will admit.
That being said, I will admit that some of the things people talk about when they describe wines are a mystery to me. I must have a poor palate, as I don't taste "plums, with a hint of cherry and a nice oaken finish" Huh? I do sometimes smell the oak of the wine cask, but when they start talking about smelling and tasting the entire produce section, well, I don't know what on earth they're talking about. I often wonder about the wine that Jesus made. Was it dry? Was it sweet? What were the topnotes? What was the bouquet? Do NOT tell me it tasted like Mogen David or Manischeiwitz, it was supposed to be the best wine.
A nice glass of wine in a long-stemmed goblet. Lovely. Good for the stomach and ONE glass will help you get a good night's rest.
Given my family history, I must leave you with this caution: Always drink in moderation. Never drink at all if you cannot stop with one, or if it starts longings that make life difficult for you. This post is not intended to give you permission to drink if it is against your conscience or medical history. I do wonder when the modern church developed it's horror of wine. Perhaps it is the same thing we try to do with a lot of things. Since a lot is bad for you, have none. No moderation required. Well, it's a nice idea, and I understand the fear, after all, how do you know when to scold your neighbor. Is it after the second glass? See, that's the problem, somewhere between the 2nd glass and 6th is the cutoff, but since we are all built differently (different weight, metabolism and different eating and drinking habits) you can't just look at your neighbor and know it is one sip too many. Nor can you always know with yourself.
It seems to me that it is much easier to judge matters of conduct than of the heart and motive. If one person has a hard time with TV, then no one should watch it. We all instinctively seem to know that there are shows that definitely have crossed the line, but since we cannot see the line, we must be led by the Spirit. Well, for me, having certain propensities in the area of sins and desires, the Home Shopping Network may be an absolute no-no, while for you, it doesn't cause you to stumble in any way. But it is easy to find the areas we personally struggle with and then attempt to make everyone else show the same restraints as we must have in that area.
No offense intended to any Christian ministry, but I interviewed with a ministry several times, and was absolutely puzzled by their code of behavior and dress code. They were so much stricter than Scripture that I wondered what it was all about. Why, I wondered would sling-back shoes be forbidden? I was told that it was to avoid criticism from within the church. Wow. Silly, ridiculous rules to mollify people who find some issue with footwear? So instead of sharing God's grace and freedom and scriptural truth with the complaintant minority, freedom is taken from hundreds. This is so like the church. Gertrude doesn't like the paint color. It's not enough that it's beige, but it's not the right shade of beige. It doesn't have the essence of beige-ness necessary for painting the sanctuary. Also, the pastor insists on calling the sanctuary an auditorium, but that isn't a holy word... Then there is John. John grew up reading the Authorized King James Version, just like his father and his grandfather. That new preacher uses the New King James, the NIV, the NASB and sometimes Phillips. He sometimes says that the King James doesn't always express the intent of the Greek or the Hebrew as well. It's heresy, I tell you, and John is raising a stink in the church. So the deacon's board gets together to find a shade of beige paint that will mollify Gertrude, because even though 90% of the congregation wanted tan walls, they won't complain at all the meetings that the color doesn't bring about the right spirit of worship and devotion. The elder board counsels the pastor that John has donated tens of thousands of dollars to the building fund and asks him to teach from the KJV. After all, we shouldn't offend John.
I wonder if it isn't sin for us to be adding rules and regulations to Scripture. After all, if the goal is personal holiness and a heart for Christ, why do we suggest that God was almost right when he inspired Scripture? When we say that holiness is more complete with closed toe, closed heel pumps, that pantyhose are a requirement for righteousness, and that pants invite permissiveness, we are adding to Scripture. So, most of us don't do that, but the church and para-church ministries often say this without words. We don't even roll our eyes at these kind of restrictions. We accept as given that we must cater to the most irritable and vocal of our brothers and sisters.
I was a tea-totaller until I was 30 if you don't count the two drinks I tried in high school, communion wine (blech!) and a taste of an almond wine a guest brought to thanksgiving dinner while still living at home. At thirty I realized that my kids were picking up the same attitudes that frustrated me in the rest of the church. One of my kids made a comment about someone having had a (gasp) beer! They were horrified and judgemental and I realized then that I had not communicated what the Bible says and what I really believe.
That being said, it was a little hard for me to have a glass, as I could feel hundreds of disapproving eyes on me. Still do sometimes. Also, there is a strong history of alcoholism in my family. So I sat the kids down and explained the dangers given our family history, but because I was pretty sure I did not share the family alcoholism, given my reaction to alcohol as a kid, I began having a glass of wine on occasion. It had become clear to me that my kids were not going to believe what I said, and that I needed to model responsible drinking.
There are things about a glass of wine that really appeal to me. Wine glasses are lovely in shape and form. wine bottles are beautiful and the color of wine so beautiful. The process of wine making is filled with beautiful images. Vines heavy with grapes, the picking, crates filled with lush clusters, the crushing, the fermenting, the rows of oak casks, bottling, tastings. The whole thing invokes images of long tables set in sun-dappled gardens, crisp white linens gently flapping in the breeze, while a dozen or more friends and family laugh and talk and eat fresh produce, fine cheeses, and pass glorious platters of pasta and bottles of the latest vintage. In these visions I always hear Italian spoken.
So, to the point of my post...my particular favorite wines.
Generally speaking, I prefer reds and have a partiality to slightly, or even more than slightly, sweet reds. I also have a kind of rule about wines--I usually only buy wines in the $10 range, either recommended by someone I trust or fairly highly rated in wine snob circles. Two of my top wines don't fit that, but instead are wines that were given to me by someone else, and are a bit out of my budget for all but the most special occasions.
1. I wish I could remember the name of this one. It is a lovely merlot in a very simple bottle with the simplest and classiest label. I remember a simple gilt outline "T" as the main visual of a very subtle label. Dark bottle. A co-worker and his wife made me a gift of this one. I meant to keep the bottle til I wrote the info in a wine-tasting book, but the bottle disappeared. I would know it if I saw it, but I know it is more than my $10 range.
2. Beaulieu Vineyard Reserve Pinot Noir. Without a doubt the best wine I have ever tasted, but at $40 a bottle, a bit out of my price range.
3. The wine I buy and try to keep in my wine rack at all times: Roadkill Red by Colorado Cellars. At $12/bottle, it is more than what I pay to try new stuff, but I already know I will love this one. It is a semi-sweet light red wine that goes with a lot of stuff, or stands on it's own. I missed the Wine Festival in Manitou Springs this year, so I am down to my last bottle. My local liquor store can't get this one (you can buy it online, but they self-distribute, so he can't get it for his store) so I plan to go to the wine festival on the western slope in September. I fully intend to make Colorado Cellars one of my stops and to pick up several bottles of this one.
I don't drink often, and I hate to open a bottle and drink alone (Steve is diabetic and can't drink), so it only takes a few bottles to be my yearly allotment. One of my plans for the kitchen remodel is to install a small wine refrigerator so that I can have a selection of varieties of wine for cooking and drinking. The sweeter wines aren't so good for sauces and stews, so you need a selection of Burgundy, Cabs, and I will occasionally open a generic red or chianti and use it for both.
For sparkling wines, I like Moscato d'Asti. It is much sweeter than champagne, which I find distasteful.
My daughter laughed when she saw me drinking White Zinfindel. Working at a five-star restaurant, she became conversant with good wines, so when we ate there, I let her pick for me. I don't know the name of the white she chose for me, but it was lovely, I will admit.
That being said, I will admit that some of the things people talk about when they describe wines are a mystery to me. I must have a poor palate, as I don't taste "plums, with a hint of cherry and a nice oaken finish" Huh? I do sometimes smell the oak of the wine cask, but when they start talking about smelling and tasting the entire produce section, well, I don't know what on earth they're talking about. I often wonder about the wine that Jesus made. Was it dry? Was it sweet? What were the topnotes? What was the bouquet? Do NOT tell me it tasted like Mogen David or Manischeiwitz, it was supposed to be the best wine.
A nice glass of wine in a long-stemmed goblet. Lovely. Good for the stomach and ONE glass will help you get a good night's rest.
Given my family history, I must leave you with this caution: Always drink in moderation. Never drink at all if you cannot stop with one, or if it starts longings that make life difficult for you. This post is not intended to give you permission to drink if it is against your conscience or medical history. I do wonder when the modern church developed it's horror of wine. Perhaps it is the same thing we try to do with a lot of things. Since a lot is bad for you, have none. No moderation required. Well, it's a nice idea, and I understand the fear, after all, how do you know when to scold your neighbor. Is it after the second glass? See, that's the problem, somewhere between the 2nd glass and 6th is the cutoff, but since we are all built differently (different weight, metabolism and different eating and drinking habits) you can't just look at your neighbor and know it is one sip too many. Nor can you always know with yourself.
It seems to me that it is much easier to judge matters of conduct than of the heart and motive. If one person has a hard time with TV, then no one should watch it. We all instinctively seem to know that there are shows that definitely have crossed the line, but since we cannot see the line, we must be led by the Spirit. Well, for me, having certain propensities in the area of sins and desires, the Home Shopping Network may be an absolute no-no, while for you, it doesn't cause you to stumble in any way. But it is easy to find the areas we personally struggle with and then attempt to make everyone else show the same restraints as we must have in that area.
No offense intended to any Christian ministry, but I interviewed with a ministry several times, and was absolutely puzzled by their code of behavior and dress code. They were so much stricter than Scripture that I wondered what it was all about. Why, I wondered would sling-back shoes be forbidden? I was told that it was to avoid criticism from within the church. Wow. Silly, ridiculous rules to mollify people who find some issue with footwear? So instead of sharing God's grace and freedom and scriptural truth with the complaintant minority, freedom is taken from hundreds. This is so like the church. Gertrude doesn't like the paint color. It's not enough that it's beige, but it's not the right shade of beige. It doesn't have the essence of beige-ness necessary for painting the sanctuary. Also, the pastor insists on calling the sanctuary an auditorium, but that isn't a holy word... Then there is John. John grew up reading the Authorized King James Version, just like his father and his grandfather. That new preacher uses the New King James, the NIV, the NASB and sometimes Phillips. He sometimes says that the King James doesn't always express the intent of the Greek or the Hebrew as well. It's heresy, I tell you, and John is raising a stink in the church. So the deacon's board gets together to find a shade of beige paint that will mollify Gertrude, because even though 90% of the congregation wanted tan walls, they won't complain at all the meetings that the color doesn't bring about the right spirit of worship and devotion. The elder board counsels the pastor that John has donated tens of thousands of dollars to the building fund and asks him to teach from the KJV. After all, we shouldn't offend John.
I wonder if it isn't sin for us to be adding rules and regulations to Scripture. After all, if the goal is personal holiness and a heart for Christ, why do we suggest that God was almost right when he inspired Scripture? When we say that holiness is more complete with closed toe, closed heel pumps, that pantyhose are a requirement for righteousness, and that pants invite permissiveness, we are adding to Scripture. So, most of us don't do that, but the church and para-church ministries often say this without words. We don't even roll our eyes at these kind of restrictions. We accept as given that we must cater to the most irritable and vocal of our brothers and sisters.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Moses and Peter
I was reading in Exodus today the record of Moses, as he argued with God. "They won't believe you sent me." So God gave him the words to say and signs to convince them. He persisted and then objected, but I can't speak well. I'm don't speak clearly or quickly. You know, he told God, hey, you got the wrong guy. I'm not a public speaker. I can't do what you told me. It's almost as if he was saying he had a speech impediment.
You know what God's response was? He said, aren't I the one who made you? Don't you think I can give you the ability you need?
On a day when I am feeling like such a failure for my inability to keep a clean, orderly and organized house, feeling defeated by my FM, my ADD, my arthritis...it's as if God reached down and said, Do you think I'm surprised by any of this? I know all about your physical disabilities. If you will depend on me, I will give you the strength and resources to do this job.
So, what I need to to is really depend on God for all, refusing to give in to defeat. If he says I can do this, then he will give me the ability and I will know it is him and not me, cause I've given it over 25 years in my own strength and my own striving.
So, I worked as long as I could on the problem, quitting only when the aching go too bad. I intended it to be a break, but the ache didn't leave. Sometimes it affects me that way, one arm or the other, sometimes both, a leg, the back, the neck, ankles, someplace will develop an ache that makes me feel I have no strength left. I have to convince myself that I have the strength to drive, or pick things up or grab a book, whatever.
Perhaps that is the issue. Perhaps most of us have strength we don't know about, because we are created in the image of God. So if the creator says, "I want you to do this" then you can count on him to give you his strength and wisdom. Not to make you someone entirely different, but empowering you with His strength in your weakness.
After all, Peter walked on the water when Jesus called. You know what's interesting? The original language (I have been told) makes it clear that Jesus wasn't speaking just to Peter when he gave the invitation. Peter was the only one who stepped out of the boat.
Moses balked and God provided a mouthpiece for him through Aaron. Peter stepped out in faith and walked on water. Moses journey took him back to Egypt and into the company of slaves distressed with their bondage. It took him to face Pharaoh over and over and over. It took him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and through the desert. Peter's journey took him over the side of the boat. It seemed to be a short journey, but Peter walked by Jesus' side when the soldier's came to take him away. He leaped to his defense and cut off a soldier's ear. He followed closed by, scared and alone, as Jesus was tried illegally. His failures were noted, but following Jesus' death and resurrection, and the day of Pentecost, Peter spoke openly to the crowd about Jesus.
So I can be empowered to do the things that I need to do as well.
You know what God's response was? He said, aren't I the one who made you? Don't you think I can give you the ability you need?
On a day when I am feeling like such a failure for my inability to keep a clean, orderly and organized house, feeling defeated by my FM, my ADD, my arthritis...it's as if God reached down and said, Do you think I'm surprised by any of this? I know all about your physical disabilities. If you will depend on me, I will give you the strength and resources to do this job.
So, what I need to to is really depend on God for all, refusing to give in to defeat. If he says I can do this, then he will give me the ability and I will know it is him and not me, cause I've given it over 25 years in my own strength and my own striving.
So, I worked as long as I could on the problem, quitting only when the aching go too bad. I intended it to be a break, but the ache didn't leave. Sometimes it affects me that way, one arm or the other, sometimes both, a leg, the back, the neck, ankles, someplace will develop an ache that makes me feel I have no strength left. I have to convince myself that I have the strength to drive, or pick things up or grab a book, whatever.
Perhaps that is the issue. Perhaps most of us have strength we don't know about, because we are created in the image of God. So if the creator says, "I want you to do this" then you can count on him to give you his strength and wisdom. Not to make you someone entirely different, but empowering you with His strength in your weakness.
After all, Peter walked on the water when Jesus called. You know what's interesting? The original language (I have been told) makes it clear that Jesus wasn't speaking just to Peter when he gave the invitation. Peter was the only one who stepped out of the boat.
Moses balked and God provided a mouthpiece for him through Aaron. Peter stepped out in faith and walked on water. Moses journey took him back to Egypt and into the company of slaves distressed with their bondage. It took him to face Pharaoh over and over and over. It took him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and through the desert. Peter's journey took him over the side of the boat. It seemed to be a short journey, but Peter walked by Jesus' side when the soldier's came to take him away. He leaped to his defense and cut off a soldier's ear. He followed closed by, scared and alone, as Jesus was tried illegally. His failures were noted, but following Jesus' death and resurrection, and the day of Pentecost, Peter spoke openly to the crowd about Jesus.
So I can be empowered to do the things that I need to do as well.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Savoring Temptation
I've been thinking on the nature of temptation. More precisely, on why some temptations are so hard to resist and so hard to get over. Whether that temptation is for a chocolate brownie or something else, what is it that keeps the temptation alive?
Sometimes for me, it is that I allow myself to savor the temptation(let's call it a brownie). There is a deliciousness to the desire that simply feels good. Whether it releases pleasure chemicals in the brain or there is something else going on, it is so incredibly appealing that I don't want to let go of the temptation itself. I allow myself to think about the brownie, and soon I can smell it, I can feel myself lifting it to my mouth--oh, it's warm from the oven. I can feel the cakey gooeyness on my lips and can taste the rich, chocolatey flavor. I can feel my teeth striking a not quite fully melted chocolate chip, and can feel the endorphins release.
There is nothing wrong with a brownie, and perhaps your other temptations as well, as long as they are in the right context. In a reasonably healthy and moderate diet, and occasional brownie is a wonderful thing. The problem comes when we would rather have that brownie than the healthy foods that provide proper nutrition, or when we will eat it even when we are full, or when it becomes the staple of our diet.
What about the nature of flirtation, either expressed or merely in one's own head? See the pleasure of anticipation is a wonderful thing. It can be a great part of dating, engagement and marriage, but when a man or a woman savors a thought of that outside of that relationship, or with someone who is either married, engaged, or is otherwise completely inappropriate, it's trouble. And the same things we must do to avoid the brownie temptation we must do to avoid the inappropriate flirtation and fantasies.
If you are having trouble with brownies, you stay out of the bakery! You don't bring them home and say, well, I'll just have a little now and save the rest for another day, when you know you won't do that. If you're having trouble with fantasy or flirtation, you avoid that person. In both situations, and with other temptations as well, you discipline your mind. When you find yourself mentally savoring the object of your desire, you change your thoughts. Go for a run, call a friend, read a book, read the Bible, pray. Don't allow yourself to luxuriate in thoughts and desires for things you should not have! Flee temptation.
I was watching a show the other day where the lead character was following the path of betrayal. As it unfolded I found myself wanting to shout, "Run away! Hide! Leave!" But, of course, she didn't, because we are told in our culture that we cannot help these attractions. Also, we don't want to look like idiots running away. So her relationship was destroyed, and her affair ended, and she was none the wiser, just in a lot of pain. None of her friends told her the truth, though one kind of tried, they were just "there for her". Whatever that means.
Gosh, I hope my friends would be there for me too, but with love and truth, not love and wishy-washy platitudes. See, I've been taken to task by friends at times, and when it is done by people who love me and will stick by me, it has made a profound difference in my life and in my behavior and attitudes. I have a greater respect for people who will speak the truth in love. It is the harder path to take. It's riskier.
But when it comes to resisting or even fleeing temptation, what is the risk? Looking foolish? People who really love you (and have a working brain and common sense) will be proud of you for doing what it takes not to mess up your life. They will be pleased that you will do the right thing even when it's hard or embarrassing.
But what happens when we give in and allow ourselves to merely enjoy the desire. Well, desire gives birth to lust and lust to action (sin), and that action has terrible consequences. The Bible talks about sin birthing death. Well, certainly in the TV show, the death was to the relationship. There was the terrible wounding of other people. In the case of the brownie temptation, well too many of those and you'll have yourself a case of obesity, and that leads to diabetes, heart disease, stroke... None of those are on the "good" list.
So what do we do when the brownie calls to us? Put a stop to it! Some people do this by sticking a piece of strong mint gum in their mouth, or by drinking a glass of water. Some might take a short jog, or meditate on a verse of Scripture. Some might call a friend. I just say, do whatever it takes. The verse I think about is Romans 13:14 "Make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof." I have a version in my head that is almost the same...don't know why the words are slightly different, but this is how I recall it: make no provision for the fless, to satisfy the lusts thereof. This verse runs through my mind when I pick up a package of Oreos. It runs through my mind when I open the freezer for ice, only to find that someone has bought Entennman's chocolate glazed donuts. It runs through my mind when other temptations face me. I'm thinking about getting it painted on my refrigerator door.
Make no provision for the flesh.
Sometimes for me, it is that I allow myself to savor the temptation(let's call it a brownie). There is a deliciousness to the desire that simply feels good. Whether it releases pleasure chemicals in the brain or there is something else going on, it is so incredibly appealing that I don't want to let go of the temptation itself. I allow myself to think about the brownie, and soon I can smell it, I can feel myself lifting it to my mouth--oh, it's warm from the oven. I can feel the cakey gooeyness on my lips and can taste the rich, chocolatey flavor. I can feel my teeth striking a not quite fully melted chocolate chip, and can feel the endorphins release.
There is nothing wrong with a brownie, and perhaps your other temptations as well, as long as they are in the right context. In a reasonably healthy and moderate diet, and occasional brownie is a wonderful thing. The problem comes when we would rather have that brownie than the healthy foods that provide proper nutrition, or when we will eat it even when we are full, or when it becomes the staple of our diet.
What about the nature of flirtation, either expressed or merely in one's own head? See the pleasure of anticipation is a wonderful thing. It can be a great part of dating, engagement and marriage, but when a man or a woman savors a thought of that outside of that relationship, or with someone who is either married, engaged, or is otherwise completely inappropriate, it's trouble. And the same things we must do to avoid the brownie temptation we must do to avoid the inappropriate flirtation and fantasies.
If you are having trouble with brownies, you stay out of the bakery! You don't bring them home and say, well, I'll just have a little now and save the rest for another day, when you know you won't do that. If you're having trouble with fantasy or flirtation, you avoid that person. In both situations, and with other temptations as well, you discipline your mind. When you find yourself mentally savoring the object of your desire, you change your thoughts. Go for a run, call a friend, read a book, read the Bible, pray. Don't allow yourself to luxuriate in thoughts and desires for things you should not have! Flee temptation.
I was watching a show the other day where the lead character was following the path of betrayal. As it unfolded I found myself wanting to shout, "Run away! Hide! Leave!" But, of course, she didn't, because we are told in our culture that we cannot help these attractions. Also, we don't want to look like idiots running away. So her relationship was destroyed, and her affair ended, and she was none the wiser, just in a lot of pain. None of her friends told her the truth, though one kind of tried, they were just "there for her". Whatever that means.
Gosh, I hope my friends would be there for me too, but with love and truth, not love and wishy-washy platitudes. See, I've been taken to task by friends at times, and when it is done by people who love me and will stick by me, it has made a profound difference in my life and in my behavior and attitudes. I have a greater respect for people who will speak the truth in love. It is the harder path to take. It's riskier.
But when it comes to resisting or even fleeing temptation, what is the risk? Looking foolish? People who really love you (and have a working brain and common sense) will be proud of you for doing what it takes not to mess up your life. They will be pleased that you will do the right thing even when it's hard or embarrassing.
But what happens when we give in and allow ourselves to merely enjoy the desire. Well, desire gives birth to lust and lust to action (sin), and that action has terrible consequences. The Bible talks about sin birthing death. Well, certainly in the TV show, the death was to the relationship. There was the terrible wounding of other people. In the case of the brownie temptation, well too many of those and you'll have yourself a case of obesity, and that leads to diabetes, heart disease, stroke... None of those are on the "good" list.
So what do we do when the brownie calls to us? Put a stop to it! Some people do this by sticking a piece of strong mint gum in their mouth, or by drinking a glass of water. Some might take a short jog, or meditate on a verse of Scripture. Some might call a friend. I just say, do whatever it takes. The verse I think about is Romans 13:14 "Make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof." I have a version in my head that is almost the same...don't know why the words are slightly different, but this is how I recall it: make no provision for the fless, to satisfy the lusts thereof. This verse runs through my mind when I pick up a package of Oreos. It runs through my mind when I open the freezer for ice, only to find that someone has bought Entennman's chocolate glazed donuts. It runs through my mind when other temptations face me. I'm thinking about getting it painted on my refrigerator door.
Make no provision for the flesh.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Handling Your Handicaps
Here is a quote from "Building A Personality" Condensed from Physical Culture, by Harry Emerson Fosdick, D.D., as printed in Getting The Most Out Of Life: An Anthology from The Reader's Digest:
This states better than anything I have ever written about my take on overcoming the physical difficulties I face--the difficulties we all face, for overcoming is universal. Perhaps it is better said that we all need to overcome something. We can simply endure and exist, or we can overcome and live. I don't suggest that overcoming means that the physical, mental, financial or emotional difficulty goes away, though sometimes that is what overcoming means, instead I mean that we learn to play on three strings.
I read a series of books recently where the central character and a wolf could read each other's minds and speak to each other, though each maintained their own thoughts. The wolf made note that the two-legs complained of being wet when it was raining and cold when there was snow. This discontent was not part of the wolf mind. The wolf expected to be wet when it was raining and cold when the temperature dropped, and did not suffer from it in the same way as the two-legs. While most people to whom I have mentioned this do not see this as profound as I do, it has made a difference in how I face my own physical pain. I simply decide not to expect to live pain-free and thus the surprise, disappointment and frustration with being in pain are lessened to the degree I am able to change my expectations.
Because of this acceptance, I now have a cane/walking stick. I don't like the message it sends, but the stick itself is helpful. As to why more pain now? Well, the high doses of Ibuprofen I was taking for pain and muscle relaxation may have been the trigger for my ulcer. So I have given it up. The trade-off for healing the stomach is severe muscle pain, stiffness and limping. Well, okay. To the extent that I accept this as the price I am able to endure and overcome. If I expect the pain I can choose to move anyway, to work in my garden, to do housework, to type, to restain the door, to bake bread.....
What are you going to do with the broken A string on your violin? Will you keep playing your piece of music, or will you run off stage in embarrassment and lament your lost chance for the rest of your life? Once you are done with the piece you are playing there will be plenty of time to change the string. If you lose a finger, will you learn to play with one less or will you put away your violin and watch it collect dust in the corner?
Let's figure out what we can do to overcome. Where is Christ's strength going to reveal itself through our weaknesses? What beautiful music will he play through our damaged instruments?
Once when Ole Bull, the great violinist, was giving a concert in Paris, his A string snapped and he transposed the composition and finished it on three strings. That is life--to have your A string snap and finish on three strings.
As soon as a man begins to accept this positive technique for handling his handicaps, they present themselves to him as opportunities always challenging, sometimes fascinating. Rebellion against your handicaps gets you nowhere. Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world--making the most of one's best.
This states better than anything I have ever written about my take on overcoming the physical difficulties I face--the difficulties we all face, for overcoming is universal. Perhaps it is better said that we all need to overcome something. We can simply endure and exist, or we can overcome and live. I don't suggest that overcoming means that the physical, mental, financial or emotional difficulty goes away, though sometimes that is what overcoming means, instead I mean that we learn to play on three strings.
I read a series of books recently where the central character and a wolf could read each other's minds and speak to each other, though each maintained their own thoughts. The wolf made note that the two-legs complained of being wet when it was raining and cold when there was snow. This discontent was not part of the wolf mind. The wolf expected to be wet when it was raining and cold when the temperature dropped, and did not suffer from it in the same way as the two-legs. While most people to whom I have mentioned this do not see this as profound as I do, it has made a difference in how I face my own physical pain. I simply decide not to expect to live pain-free and thus the surprise, disappointment and frustration with being in pain are lessened to the degree I am able to change my expectations.
Because of this acceptance, I now have a cane/walking stick. I don't like the message it sends, but the stick itself is helpful. As to why more pain now? Well, the high doses of Ibuprofen I was taking for pain and muscle relaxation may have been the trigger for my ulcer. So I have given it up. The trade-off for healing the stomach is severe muscle pain, stiffness and limping. Well, okay. To the extent that I accept this as the price I am able to endure and overcome. If I expect the pain I can choose to move anyway, to work in my garden, to do housework, to type, to restain the door, to bake bread.....
What are you going to do with the broken A string on your violin? Will you keep playing your piece of music, or will you run off stage in embarrassment and lament your lost chance for the rest of your life? Once you are done with the piece you are playing there will be plenty of time to change the string. If you lose a finger, will you learn to play with one less or will you put away your violin and watch it collect dust in the corner?
Let's figure out what we can do to overcome. Where is Christ's strength going to reveal itself through our weaknesses? What beautiful music will he play through our damaged instruments?
Monday, May 21, 2007
Living With Joy: Lessons From My Garden
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
Psalm 30:5b
Psalm 30:5b
Living With Joy
Lessons From My Garden
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).
Definitions: These are my definitions, and I use them somewhat interchangeably because I find that you cannot have joy without peace, nor peace without contentment, and joy is hard without contentment and peace and contentment lead to hope and joy.
Joy – An emotional response of extreme gladness or great happiness. Joy is exultation, inspiring leaping, shouting, or even dancing. Clapping and other outward displays are often the result of joy. Joy is most often inspired by God.
Peace – A calmness of spirit between you and God.
Contentment – Being “okay” with where God has put you, who he has put in your life and what he has given you.
Intro: My Soil, Your Soil, Paul’s Soil
As I prepared for this topic I began to see the lessons I was learning from Scripture played out in a practical way in my garden. If you aren’t a gardener, you may not find the illustrations as potent and real as I do, but His eternal power and nature have been clearly seen through what He has made, so you may be able to see these lessons played out in your area of interest. I think God shows us practical illustrations when we are open to learn from his Word and are listening to his voice.
If we are intending to grow a garden of Joy, Peace and Contentment, we all come from a different set of experiences, upbringing, and personality—your “soil”—that affect how easily we can grow a lush garden.
My soil is of the more barren variety. I am by nature and upbringing rather melancholy, tending toward depression and without a huge capacity for or experience of happiness. The last seven months or so have been incredibly difficult. We have had a struggling small business for some time, but about seven months ago the bottom dropped out. A contractor put a stop payment on over $20,000 and cancelled our contract without warning. This began a period of daily crises and really difficult financial struggles. Each day I would struggle to trust God in the midst of one bad crisis or piece of bad news and would just get to the point where I could say, “I will trust you,” when the next crisis would occur. No sooner would I get to my feet than I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me and I was flat on the ground again.
It has been a time of real struggle and pain. Several months ago I found myself unable to think of any good thing to say when someone would ask me how I was or how things were going. I knew life couldn’t be as bleak as it appeared, but I could only see darkness and got really sick of myself. So when a friend and I reached the end of our 40 week study (which took us nearly two years), she asked me what we wanted to do next and I told her that I needed an attitude adjustment. I needed to be able to see good things again and to know joy. So we began studying Philippians, and from the first day it has made a difference.You see, Philippians is one of Paul’s epistles, written close to 30 years after Christ’s death and resurrection while Paul was imprisoned in Rome. This kind of jail meant that Paul was likely chained to guards day and night and probably reliant upon friends to provide food for him. When you read this letter (and I recommend you read it start to finish, aloud, in one sitting) you will hear a different Paul than the stereotypical Paul. In this letter he is tender, loving, and joyful. The strident, type-A, my-way-or-the-highway personality that seemed to come across in his writings is just not what I see here.
Let’s take a look at Paul’s soil. Paul says of himself that he was a Jew’s Jew. He was a Pharisee’s Pharisee. He was well-educated, devout, and had all the right credentials. He was so zealous regarding his beliefs that he persecuted Christians. He persecuted the church right up until he had a personal encounter with God. God struck him blind and spoke to him through this blinding light. Paul (who had formerly been known as Saul) was never the same. From persecuting the church he became it’s most ardent supporter, preaching the good news of Christ around the known world. He was so devoted that he wasn’t stopped by beatings, imprisonment, shipwrecks, accusations, or anything else. You might say his soil was rich.
What is your soil like? Is your soul so parched that your faith barely stays alive? Are you so starved for nutrients that your produce is feeble and frail? Or is it easy for the Word to take root in your life and produce rich fruit? The good news is that God can take any soil and enrich it if we ask him to, and then step back and allow him to do his work in you. Just a note though, do you know how gardeners enrich poor soil? You till in manure and rotted vegetable matter. So if your soil is poor, you may require the addition of crap and rotten stuff and getting your surface torn up to make you fruitful. Are you ready?
The Guilt I Grew Up With:
Perpetual Joy – Christians must live in joy all the time or they are ungodly. Wow. The incredible guilt that sets in when you struggle or have pain and don’t feel the way you think you are supposed to feel as a Christian. I just want to give you the verse God gave to me as I was thinking about joy:
Hebrews 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. (KJV)
Do you get what that is saying? For the joy that was set before him (future tense) he endured (present tense) and despised. God in flesh endured and despised in anticipation of future joy. I checked with my local Greek scholar and lo and behold, the tense is correct. The joy was future. Oh the relief. Now I know that it is okay to endure and despise in anticipation of joy that I don’t feel today, but will in the future.
Growing Joy: Lessons from the Garden
Pulling the Weeds: What Chokes Out Your Joy?
Trials/Suffering: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
Anxiety/Fear/Worry: Don’t worry over anything whatever: tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God, which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
Disobedience: Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
my bones have no soundness because of my sin. Psalms 38:3
Busyness: “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
What are the weeds you deal with? Is your crop being choked by your busy schedule? By TV? By pleasing others without any consideration for what pleases God and without concern for how He created you and what He wants you to do? Are you so busy with what you are doing that you have forgotten why? Have you lost your vision and mission? Are you so lost in your physical suffering or the trials of the day that you have forgotten everything else?
With weeds there are a few interesting facts I want to share. Weeds are best caught early before there roots get too deep. For two years I carefully watered and cultivated rhubarb in my front garden bed and was puzzled that the stalks never fully developed and never turned red. Well, when I planted the rhubarb, apparently some sorrel got in there instead, and I had been carefully growing a weed! Sorrel is practically immune to weed killer and close to impossible to eradicate once it is firmly established because it grows a taproot at least 4 foot deep. I allowed it to become firmly established in my garden and now have to uproot the shoots whenever they start to appear. This is now a weekly chore because I allowed it to become firmly entrenched. Some things we allow in our lives may have to be fought off for the rest of our lives if we allow them to become firmly rooted. For some, the surgery required (like digging up a 4 foot taproot) may not be possible, but if it is it will be radical and deep. It will take a firm intention to rid yourself of a deeply rooted problem once and for all.
Some hurts, like parental neglect or abuse, or sexual abuse may require us to deal with the thoughts, fears and anxieties each time they pop up, but sometimes an intense radical therapy is needed to get to the base of that tap root and rid yourself of it forever. So, whenever possible rid yourself of the weeds early and often to avoid letting them get firmly rooted.
Usually, it isn’t possible to recognize weeds when they are too small. At the earliest stages a marigold looks like grass which looks like dianthus. Until you are an expert at weed-pulling you may have to wait a bit before you recognize certain things for the distraction they are. Don’t beat yourself up for that. Just uproot it as soon as you know what it is!
One last thing about weeds. What is a weed for you may not be for someone else. I spent one summer growing a bed of chamomile with thoughts of harvesting and drying for my homegrown medicinal tea. After a summer spent watering, weeding and enjoying watching it grow and flower, I looked up proper harvesting and drying techniques and was annoyed to discover that chamomile is in the ragweed family and people who are very allergic to ragweed probably shouldn’t drink chamomile tea. So I had spent an entire summer growing something to which I am allergic. Great.
I have a friend who does not watch TV. At all. He cannot, because he has a hard time with the advertisements and the shows which inspire lustful thoughts he must avoid. I don’t have that problem, though I cannot read romance novels or watch soap operas because they make me so dissatisfied with my life and my husband. I begin to long for him to be romantic in that storybook way and completely miss his very excellent qualities and the ways he shows his love for me. For the same reason, I toss sales flyers whenever I am overly stressed or under financial strain. For me, they breed dissatisfaction with what I have. Suddenly the wastepaper basket that I have been casually thinking about replacing for the past three years becomes an urgent priority, and I simply must replace it today. So, for me, those things must be avoided.
For you, you may have other things. Perhaps going to the Parade of Homes breeds in you a discontent with your home and with your financial situation…whatever it is, for you then, it becomes a weed.
The 15 foot view: Changing Your Focus
I subscribe to an email gardening newsletter, and in a recent edition he talked about taking the 15 foot view. The idea is that if we focus on each damaged leaf, each tiny hole, each spent blossom, each spot of mold, that we are tempted to rush in with the toxic chemicals to fix things which are really minor problems. They become major problems because we don’t take a step back and focus on the big picture. The garden is beautiful from fifteen feet. The minor imperfections are just that. Don’t focus on the immediate troubles, the bugs, the damaged leaf, the spent blossom of your life, instead make the effort to take a step back and focus on the good things, learning to be content with imperfections, and learn to enjoy the promise of the future.
What Paul says from prison:
for I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances may be. I know now how to live when things are difficult and I know how to live when things are prosperous. I general and in particular I have learned the secret of facing either plenty or poverty. Philippians 4:11b-13 No big screaming fits here when there is no money. It doesn’t mean he is thrilled or that it is comfortable to be impoverished. Somehow, though he has learned to see things differently, and the book of Philippians describes some of that.
Focus on good things:
I thank my God for you Christians at Philippi whenever I think of you. My constant prayers for you are a real joy, for they bring back to my mind how we have worked together for the gospel from the earliest days until now. Philippians 1: 3-5 This is one of the first things that jumped off the pages when I read Philippians through. His delight in what I am calling his Spiritual Co-Workers is his focus rather than the chains that bind him. I’ve thought about this a lot. The sense I get is that he has never had reason to be disappointed in them. Not that they are perfect, but that they have been faithful in the cause of Christ. I have found great comfort and strength and joy in listing my Spiritual Co-Workers. There are many people I know who have spent their lives working for the cause of Christ. Their focus has not been themselves and their own selfish pursuits, but their genuine desire has been to be more like Christ and to see his cause fulfilled.
You may have a long list like mine (request a copy of my handouts in the comments) or you may just be starting on this journey. One of the pleasures you will have is in locating and recognizing your own spiritual co-workers. Understand that there are many people who will start well but will turn away. Don’t let that deter you, instead keep your focus on the faithful ones. Knowing them and knowing their walk and their heart will strengthen you when you are weak.
Focus on the Future
I feel sure that the one who has begun his good work in you will go on developing it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6
Don’t beat yourself up for your current struggles and imperfections! You aren’t finished! I’m not finished. When I try and fail, or have a bad attitude today, or a screaming match with my husband…the battle isn’t over. I am being perfected. I’m not already there. One of the concepts in I Corinthians 13, sometimes known as “the Love Chapter”, is that love bears all things, believes all things. My interpretation of that is that Love believes the best. Love patiently bears the momentary snipping and snarky attitude believing that the other person loves them but isn’t showing it right now. Love believes the best. If I love someone I don’t assume that our relationship is over and that everything hinges on one bad conversation or one bad afternoon. I have a friend who perfectly illustrates this to me. Because of her faith in her husband’s love and her belief in his good nature and good intentions, she quietly endures the momentary bad mood, the cutting remark, knowing that he will regret it and apologize, and believing that he is a better man than his worst moments indicate. Wouldn’t we all like to have that kind of love? He once told me that he strives to be the man that she believes he is, and that because she believes him to be a better man than he is, he has become a better man. What an incredible compliment to my friend living out love believes all things.
See, her focus is not on the moment, but on the relationship and she knows that in an hour or by the next morning he will have gotten over his temporary moodiness and will be contrite and striving once again to be the man she believes him to be.
In my home, in my life, in my church, in my friendships, do I believe that God will keep working on me? That he will keep working on my spouse, on my children, on my pastor, on my fellow church-goers, on the undependable friend?
Transplanting: Rearrange Your Priorities
Exchanging the Good for the Best
Yes, and I look upon everything as loss compared with the overwhelming gain of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord. For his sake I did in actual fact suffer the loss of everything, but I considered it useless rubbish compared with being able to win Christ. Philippians 3: 8
Talk about exchanges. Paul lost everything but was able to say it was all useless by comparison to what he had gained. He lost everything but gained Christ. Even though the losses can be painful and stressful and ongoing, still, they are useless rubbish compared to winning Christ. I’m afraid this is one of those lessons which can only be understood and truly learned by suffering. But even if we aren’t asked to lose everything, we can still concentrate on what we have gained, which is Christ. Gaining the lover of my soul is of great value.
In a lesser way, this played out in my garden recently. I have wanted clematis for years, but the most ideal spots were already taken. I had planted three tiny little tarragon plants which grew into huge shrub-like plants. I harvested and harvested last year, drying sprigs of tarragon all over the kitchen. I had so much I couldn’t give it all away! So this year I have taken what is good, some of my tarragon, and transplanted it. I gave some away and moved some to the far side of the yard, so that I would have room for clematis. I gave up good for better.
I think we often have to do this in our lives if we are to experience true growth in our Christian walk. We have to give up some time with family or friends for study, we may have to give up a promotion at work because of the long hours and travel it requires so that we can be able to work in the children’s ministry. Some people give up their summer vacation trip to go and build houses in third world countries or help fix up churches or community buildings on the reservations. Is there anything wrong with a vacation? Not at all. But giving up good for better is the choice some are making.
In my life it means turning off the TV to prepare for this. It means giving up fun times to head to a funeral, or to be with a housebound friend. It means being at church on Sunday morning when the hills are calling my name. For you it may mean…giving up a magazine subscription to give to missions or to have money to take a hurting friend out for coffee or to buy a study book. It may just mean taking some of your relaxation time to brainstorm ways to befriend your neighbors. Just be prepared to set aside the good for the better.
On the Rocks: Reassessing Troubles
No Bad Thing
When my friend Judy and I began to read Philippians, we read it in the Phillips translation. My resident Greek expert (my dad) confirmed that it was a very accurate translation, not word for word as much as translating the intent and idiomatic sense of the original language. That first night we read it through twice and the caption at the top of Philippians 1:12-30 says “My imprisonment has turned out to be no bad thing”. The phrase “no bad thing” captivated my attention.
The passage says in part: Now, concerning myself, I want you to know, my brothers, that what has happened to me has, in effect, turned out to the advantage of the Gospel. For, first of all, my imprisonment means a personal witness for Christ before the palace guards not to mention others who come and go. Then, it means that most of our brothers, somehow taking fresh heart in the Lord from the very fact that I am a prisoner for Christ's sake, have shown far more courage in boldly proclaiming the Word of God. Philippians 1:12-14
I started thinking about the things in my life which could be considered “no bad thing” because there was some unseen purpose, some unknown effect that God was bringing to pass. So I took a sheet of paper and drew a line down the middle. On one side I wrote “NO BAD THING” in huge letters. On the other half I wrote a series of lines upon which I wrote many of the difficult circumstances I was facing. (A copy of this is available to you by commenting to this blog and requesting the attachments.) It is not that the things aren’t bad, unpleasant, painful or just plain crap, but that they are serving some purpose. I have had to discipline myself to think that I am spiritually a three year old who doesn’t understand why I’m given a shot, or made to take a bath or made to eat my vegetables. Somehow these things are good for me, I just don’t see it.
On The Rocks: Losing the Rough Edges
On a recent trip I spent several hours at the beach over a week. This particular beach had fine soft sand, but in spots was covered in beautiful smooth rocks of all colors, revealed each time the waves retreated from shore. As they retreated there was the soothing sound of the surf, but also the crack, crack, crack, crack of the rocks being tumbled back over each other as the waves rolled in and out. It was a beautiful sound, but as the rocks were getting the crap beat out of them, they were losing their rough edges, being polished by the surf and the sea into soft things of beauty.
The last several months have been like that for me. I don't know how much more pounding I need or how many rough spots I have left to remove, but the surf of my life will pound me until I am soft and beautiful.
Practical Tips:
Scripture / Prayer – Utilities Locate
When you are landscaping, you may need to put in a sprinkler system or dig a hole for a pond, or put in fence posts or plant a tree. Anytime you do any but surface digging you must call for a Utilities Locate so that you don’t do what we did and cut phone and cable wires (or worse). You must find out what the non-negotiables are and work around them. In the same way, we need to find out where God’s utility lines are so that we don’t do damage and cost us much pain and suffering. Practically speaking, how do we do that?
Aligning your plans with God’s truth. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 Scripture tells us where the non-negotiables are. Prayer helps with the other stuff. Should I buy a car? Should I take this job or that? How do I answer this person? How do I deal with my kid?
Avoiding Damage and the Cost
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of knowledge: [but] fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 2:8-12 for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse
To find wisdom from God is a valuable thing. But how do we hear God’s voice? I’ve heard more than one person recently bemoan that they don’t hear God speak to them. Why might this be? One is that you must be his. “My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me,” it says in Isaiah. If you are his, it may be that you simply are not recognizing his voice for what it is. Another might be that he has told you something that you are refusing to do.
When I was seventeen I asked God for wisdom for a big decision I was making. I pleaded with God to give me clear direction. What I really wanted was fire insurance. I wanted not necessarily to do what he wanted, but to be kept from harm. I was continuing to practice a sin and I am certain that God was gently saying, “Really? You really want my opinion? I’ve already told you what to do in this other area. Do this and then we’ll talk.”
Obedience to what we have been given is important. Prayer, not just the “I want” “I need” prayers, but time spent listening, and time spent really trying to understand what God’s word is saying to you. I also believe you should ask. Ask and keep on asking to hear his voice. He is faithful.
Trellis – A Network of Friends & Fellowship
Sometimes in our lives we need the support of others, just as clematis need a trellis to reveal them in full glory, or tomatoes need support or their fruit will rot on the ground. God has provided this for us in the church and in Christian fellowship. I’ve been thinking about Pastor Jim. Pastor Jim headed up a church we attended in California. For many of us in this church it was the church the way God intended it to be. This church was the family which was closer than the one you grew up in and seemed to be what the New Testament talked about. One day, however, Pastor Jim’s wife called the elders to come help because he was out of control. That afternoon he actually attacked one of the elders in a drunken fit and was hauled off by the police. What we would learn is that Jim was involved in many things we didn’t know about. The other elders didn’t know about half of the ministries he was involved in, and he did not share with them these things and his continuing struggles with addiction out of pride. Pride and fear kept him from being open and vulnerable to the very people who would have come alongside him and supported him.
Recently the church has been rocked by the very public struggles of Pastor Ted Haggard. When the whole thing unfolded I couldn’t help but see the correlation. Yes, the sins needed to be dealt with, but how did it get this far? Pride and fear led Pastor Ted to hide his struggles from the very men who would have helped and supported him and held him accountable.
At the time I was making the connection, I couldn’t help but think about my own situation. Here I was in one of the most intense struggles of my life, plagued by doubts, suffering in a very real way, struggling to understand who God is and how these trials fit into my picture of God, struggling to trust, and just living in intense pain, both physical, emotional and spiritual, but I hadn’t really told anyone at my church the depth of my struggle. I began to open up to people. It was not easy. I come from a background that punishes the struggler, that withholds support and encouragement from the distressed and that preaches to the heart that is crying out for love and understanding. I decided that this was a litmus test with this church. I had left a church which I felt was critical and demanding, lacking in grace and mercy and very judgmental just a few years ago and for all I knew this one could be the same when the rubber hit the road.
I am happy to report that I have been supported in a real way. I have been prayed with and prayed for, had someone sit with me, call me, listen to me and affirm me in such a godly way I am helped and strengthened and nourished by their touch.
You need the supporting trellis when you are weak. It is not easy to be that vulnerable. You must be willing to be hurt. Not everyone can be that support you need. Some aren’t capable. Use your best discretion when it comes to choosing your trellis, but find those that can support you and can be supported by you in return. Scripture says:
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. I Corinthians 12:26-27
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25
We need each other. It’s as simple as that.
The Desert Place – Bringing out the Flavor
Herbs require stress to bring out the most intense flavors. If their soil is too rich and they are watered lushly the oils which give their leaves such intense flavors are diminished making them less useful. Sometimes we need to be stressed to bring out our best flavor, to make the most of who God created us to be. But here we come full circle:
Romans 5:3-5 - This doesn't mean, of course, that we have only a hope of future joys - we can be full of joy here and now even in our trials and troubles. Taken in the right spirit these very things will give us patient endurance; this in turn will develop a mature character, and a character of this sort produces a steady hope, a hope that will never disappoint us. Already we have some experience of the love of God flooding through our hearts by the Holy Spirit given to us. (Phillips)
Remember that I started out with the fact that Jesus was living in anticipation of future joy and that I need not expect to live in joy at all times? Well, this passage says that we can be full of joy here and now, even in our trials and troubles. Then the passage proceeds to tell us that the trials produce good things in us. Patience and endurance and maturity and hope. Somehow all these things are a part of our joy. That joy is from the experience of the love of God flooding through our hearts by the Holy Spirit. But how are these good things, these aromatic oils brought forth? In the desert place—the trials and troubles of our lives.
Refocus – Whatsoever Things…
Focus on:
Here is a last piece of advice. If you believe in goodness and if you value the approval of God, fix your minds on the things which are holy and right and pure and beautiful and good. Philippians 4:8
I have already mentioned my struggle with romance novels and sales flyers. Well, those and other things are not where I should focus. I should not focus on my trials (though I find it is not even possible to completely ignore them). Instead we need to think about things that are holy and right and pure and beautiful and good. In this way we are creating a heart of gratitude and praise, and joy! This is a discipline, so don’t expect it to occur overnight. It is a practice of focusing on what is right and pure and beautiful and good instead of the ugly, the horrors that can surround us in this life. Often this will mean focusing on the inner life rather than the outer life. My brother says that only Christians truly understand “The Matrix” because we understand that what is unseen is more real than what is seen, and that the visible contains so much untruth in it that we cannot rely on what we see.
Exercise Changed Thoughts
Complete the following: (request by adding your comment to this post: Please send attachments)
NO BAD THING list -
Your list of spiritual coworkers
What do you think about?
Winter Kill – When We Lose
Just before I came to talk about this subject for the first time, I had a call from a dear friend from our church telling me that they were leaving the church. I finally knew what I had been struggling to see in the winter kill this year. If you don’t garden you are probably going to think me a little nuts for this next one, but here goes: For the past couple of years I have grown and harvested rosemary at the corner of my garden. I walk by the plant every time I go in or out of the front of the house, often stopping to crush a leaf to smell the pleasant aroma. I think rosemary may be my favorite herb. It is a hardy woody evergreen, but this winter it had 4-5 feet of snow on top of it for a long time. It couldn’t take it and is as dead as dead can be. I had some lavender do the same thing. Here is the hope which I want you to embrace: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
People leave us, sometimes willingly, sometimes through death. Plans change, dreams turn to nightmares, hopes are dashed, kids go astray, friends turn cold, marriages are torn apart. I don’t know why these things happen, just as I don’t know why these plants in my garden died. I have spent entirely too much time bemoaning the loss of those few plants instead of rejoicing over what I still have. People have left our church in the past and will continue to do so, some for good reasons, some for bad, people in your life will do the same. Our mourning doesn’t stop, but we cannot invest so much of ourselves in mourning what we’ve lost that we miss those who’ve stayed.
Do your best to rejoice in the friends who have not deserted your church. Rejoice in the kid who isn’t astray. Take comfort where you can—think on those things that are still good. God's plans for you are good. It will keep the dead areas in our gardens from stealing all our joy.
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25
We need each other. It’s as simple as that.
The Desert Place – Bringing out the Flavor
Herbs require stress to bring out the most intense flavors. If their soil is too rich and they are watered lushly the oils which give their leaves such intense flavors are diminished making them less useful. Sometimes we need to be stressed to bring out our best flavor, to make the most of who God created us to be. But here we come full circle:
Romans 5:3-5 - This doesn't mean, of course, that we have only a hope of future joys - we can be full of joy here and now even in our trials and troubles. Taken in the right spirit these very things will give us patient endurance; this in turn will develop a mature character, and a character of this sort produces a steady hope, a hope that will never disappoint us. Already we have some experience of the love of God flooding through our hearts by the Holy Spirit given to us. (Phillips)
Remember that I started out with the fact that Jesus was living in anticipation of future joy and that I need not expect to live in joy at all times? Well, this passage says that we can be full of joy here and now, even in our trials and troubles. Then the passage proceeds to tell us that the trials produce good things in us. Patience and endurance and maturity and hope. Somehow all these things are a part of our joy. That joy is from the experience of the love of God flooding through our hearts by the Holy Spirit. But how are these good things, these aromatic oils brought forth? In the desert place—the trials and troubles of our lives.
Refocus – Whatsoever Things…
Focus on:
Here is a last piece of advice. If you believe in goodness and if you value the approval of God, fix your minds on the things which are holy and right and pure and beautiful and good. Philippians 4:8
I have already mentioned my struggle with romance novels and sales flyers. Well, those and other things are not where I should focus. I should not focus on my trials (though I find it is not even possible to completely ignore them). Instead we need to think about things that are holy and right and pure and beautiful and good. In this way we are creating a heart of gratitude and praise, and joy! This is a discipline, so don’t expect it to occur overnight. It is a practice of focusing on what is right and pure and beautiful and good instead of the ugly, the horrors that can surround us in this life. Often this will mean focusing on the inner life rather than the outer life. My brother says that only Christians truly understand “The Matrix” because we understand that what is unseen is more real than what is seen, and that the visible contains so much untruth in it that we cannot rely on what we see.
Exercise Changed Thoughts
Complete the following: (request by adding your comment to this post: Please send attachments)
NO BAD THING list -
Your list of spiritual coworkers
What do you think about?
Winter Kill – When We Lose
Just before I came to talk about this subject for the first time, I had a call from a dear friend from our church telling me that they were leaving the church. I finally knew what I had been struggling to see in the winter kill this year. If you don’t garden you are probably going to think me a little nuts for this next one, but here goes: For the past couple of years I have grown and harvested rosemary at the corner of my garden. I walk by the plant every time I go in or out of the front of the house, often stopping to crush a leaf to smell the pleasant aroma. I think rosemary may be my favorite herb. It is a hardy woody evergreen, but this winter it had 4-5 feet of snow on top of it for a long time. It couldn’t take it and is as dead as dead can be. I had some lavender do the same thing. Here is the hope which I want you to embrace: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
People leave us, sometimes willingly, sometimes through death. Plans change, dreams turn to nightmares, hopes are dashed, kids go astray, friends turn cold, marriages are torn apart. I don’t know why these things happen, just as I don’t know why these plants in my garden died. I have spent entirely too much time bemoaning the loss of those few plants instead of rejoicing over what I still have. People have left our church in the past and will continue to do so, some for good reasons, some for bad, people in your life will do the same. Our mourning doesn’t stop, but we cannot invest so much of ourselves in mourning what we’ve lost that we miss those who’ve stayed.
Do your best to rejoice in the friends who have not deserted your church. Rejoice in the kid who isn’t astray. Take comfort where you can—think on those things that are still good. God's plans for you are good. It will keep the dead areas in our gardens from stealing all our joy.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Righteous Indignation...Anger...Rage
I have been thinking about what happens when we of the church turn on our own. I have been thinking about it because I've seen it happen, been the victim of it and have a dear friend who has been abused by the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, so-called Christians in the name of righteousness, and in the name of Christ.
I was with a group of churchwomen eating at a local pizza restaurant. An extremely obese woman came in and sat down with her food. One of the ladies looked at her in disgust and with disdain dripping from her voice said, "How can she eat in public when she looks like that?" The lady was eating a very modest size meal, but that wasn't the point. To me, the point was how dare we look down our snooty noses at this woman whom Jesus loves? With great restraint and by the grace of God I controlled myself to say only, "some of us wear our sins on the outside, and some of our sins are hidden."
To these people who have called my friend and spewed acidic hate through the phone in the name of righteousness, I want to take them before the church and publicly call them to task for their hateful, ungodly, unbiblical behavior. My friend was told that God had withdrawn his blessing forever from my friend's life and the life of my friend's family because of a momentary sin. I want to rip them limb from limb! I am so incredibly angry, and yet...Jesus loves them too. Oh, I don't believe he would let this go, he seemed to have a record of chastising the self-righteous and moneychangers.
Others have been cruel to my friend's children because of my friend's one-time, repented of, covered by the blood of Jesus, 100% forgiven sin. Vicious vile people. when someone repents aren't we supposed to restore them so that they don't lose heart? I know that is completely scriptural. We are told to bear each other's burdens, and that love covers sin. I believe that means we don't expose someone to public shame unless biblical, private discipline yields no results.
So because I was not part of the conversations and have no first-hand knowledge (though I know the players well enough to know that the story is true), I must then tell you to watch yourself in your tendency toward self-righteousness. We all have that. We must go first to the sinner to deal privately. We must protect the reputation of our brothers and our sisters. We must not gossip. We must avoid the temptation to elevate ourselves by degrading our brothers and sisters in the name of truth. If we do not act in love and kindness toward our brothers and sisters when they sin, why should we be treated with love and kindness when we sin?
Think of it this way...
How would you like your private sins made public? How would you like the entire church to stand in judgement of the sins that beset you? What if it's gossip? What if it's lust? What if its jealousy? What if its pride? What if every ugly moment that you are ashamed of were displayed in a video on Sunday morning? Do you think those are any smaller or less shameful than theft or immorality or drunkenness? Do you really? What if you not only had to go to the foot of the cross and accept grace but you also had to pass muster with all the church people YOU know? What if your forgiveness were truly dependent on the sniveling, rude, unlovely group that composes a great part of the church?
What part of the church do you want to be in? Do you want to mimic Christ in his forgiveness, his grace and his mercy? Do you want to cover the sins of your brother/sister? Or do you really want to stand in judgement over your brother?
Oh please...let us not beat up our brother, our sister. Let us lift them when they are down, put an arm around them and carry them when they are weak. And as angry and enraged as I have been to see the hands and feet of Christ sullied in this way, I do appreciate the soapbox which has allowed me to get this out. I beg of you, let the church show the mercy of Christ to each other.
I was with a group of churchwomen eating at a local pizza restaurant. An extremely obese woman came in and sat down with her food. One of the ladies looked at her in disgust and with disdain dripping from her voice said, "How can she eat in public when she looks like that?" The lady was eating a very modest size meal, but that wasn't the point. To me, the point was how dare we look down our snooty noses at this woman whom Jesus loves? With great restraint and by the grace of God I controlled myself to say only, "some of us wear our sins on the outside, and some of our sins are hidden."
To these people who have called my friend and spewed acidic hate through the phone in the name of righteousness, I want to take them before the church and publicly call them to task for their hateful, ungodly, unbiblical behavior. My friend was told that God had withdrawn his blessing forever from my friend's life and the life of my friend's family because of a momentary sin. I want to rip them limb from limb! I am so incredibly angry, and yet...Jesus loves them too. Oh, I don't believe he would let this go, he seemed to have a record of chastising the self-righteous and moneychangers.
Others have been cruel to my friend's children because of my friend's one-time, repented of, covered by the blood of Jesus, 100% forgiven sin. Vicious vile people. when someone repents aren't we supposed to restore them so that they don't lose heart? I know that is completely scriptural. We are told to bear each other's burdens, and that love covers sin. I believe that means we don't expose someone to public shame unless biblical, private discipline yields no results.
So because I was not part of the conversations and have no first-hand knowledge (though I know the players well enough to know that the story is true), I must then tell you to watch yourself in your tendency toward self-righteousness. We all have that. We must go first to the sinner to deal privately. We must protect the reputation of our brothers and our sisters. We must not gossip. We must avoid the temptation to elevate ourselves by degrading our brothers and sisters in the name of truth. If we do not act in love and kindness toward our brothers and sisters when they sin, why should we be treated with love and kindness when we sin?
Think of it this way...
How would you like your private sins made public? How would you like the entire church to stand in judgement of the sins that beset you? What if it's gossip? What if it's lust? What if its jealousy? What if its pride? What if every ugly moment that you are ashamed of were displayed in a video on Sunday morning? Do you think those are any smaller or less shameful than theft or immorality or drunkenness? Do you really? What if you not only had to go to the foot of the cross and accept grace but you also had to pass muster with all the church people YOU know? What if your forgiveness were truly dependent on the sniveling, rude, unlovely group that composes a great part of the church?
What part of the church do you want to be in? Do you want to mimic Christ in his forgiveness, his grace and his mercy? Do you want to cover the sins of your brother/sister? Or do you really want to stand in judgement over your brother?
Oh please...let us not beat up our brother, our sister. Let us lift them when they are down, put an arm around them and carry them when they are weak. And as angry and enraged as I have been to see the hands and feet of Christ sullied in this way, I do appreciate the soapbox which has allowed me to get this out. I beg of you, let the church show the mercy of Christ to each other.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)