Monday, March 29, 2010


I have to ask myself the following questions today.  I believe they came from Tozer, but I heard them while listening to an online sermon from Twin Oaks Presbyterian Church.

  1. What do you want more than anything else?  Honestly examine your hearts cravings.  
  2. What do you think about more than anything else? 
  3. How do you use your money?  
  4. What do you do with your leisure time?  
  5. Who do you admire and what do you admire about them?
  6. What is humorous to you?
My answers, the truthful ones, not as I wish they were, but what they really are, is very instructive to my soul.

What I wish the answers to be is: 1. God, 2. God's Word and the person and work of Jesus Christ, 3. To further the kingdom of God and to care for the poor., 4.  Serving the poor, studying the Word and gathering with other believers to delight together in God, 5.  I want this list to be filled with spiritual giants both known and unknown who follow after God with their whole hearts, and 6.  I want this not to include things that demean others, cruelty, etc.

What is true is somewhat different.  My truthful responses show my heart to be in need of repentance, cleansing and renewal and that I CANNOT do on my own.  My truth reveals a need for God to wash me clean, to renew a right spirit in me, to root out my selfishness and the sin which is still rooted in my heart.  God help me.  I am not who I want to be, I am not who I wish to be, I am not who I was made to be.  I must throw myself on the mercy of God, the only wise and merciful God.  I have seen my heart and it is an ugly and needful thing.

I am, we are, blessed that our salvation and our hope does not rest on this.  I am blessed that God in his mercy sought fit to save me, one whose heart is so unworthy.  Even my response to the Savior is not the beautiful thing I wish it to be.  Oh may I one day truly answer those questions as I desire.  May that really be.  Lord, rescue me from me.  Thank you for revealing the condition of my heart.  Teach me and mold me, cleanse me and purify my heart.  Renew my spirit.  Continue the work you have begun in me.