Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tonight I remedied one of the deficits of this apartment. Nothing but cardboard boxes and an upturned 5 gallon bucket for end tables. This great buy found on Craigslist turned into a pop quiz on contentment as my eyes were enticed by the beautiful upscale condominium and extraordinary furnishings.
The woman was very nice and had the kind of self-confidence that comes from being thin, beautiful, successful and well-off. I felt incredibly frumpy, poor and unattractive next to her. All of my flaws were on display, not just to her, but even more to me. I left there ashamed of my hair, my clothes, my vehicle, my home, and my life. I fought with myself half the way home, knowing that my dissatisfaction is nothing other than sin and a lack of gratitude for what God has provided and resentment that he doesn't provide for me as he has this woman.
I had to repent. Oh how wicked and tricky my heart is. Just when I think I'm fine, when I have been reminded of the important things in life, like the life and health of my children, my great friends, my salvation, my Lord, I am blindsided with a test that nearly fells me. Just when I think my eyes are on Christ, I look down at the waves, at my leaky boat, and I so quickly fall.
SeanSean plotted a course for me there that took me through town rather than on the Interstate as I would have preferred. Not knowing how to get around downtown, I sighed and followed his lead through some rather dicey areas, run down, beat up, boarded up, depressed areas that were, if not scary, a bit unnerving.
Strange how my thoughts did not thank God for providing so well for me that I did not live in these places where shots ring out almost nightly and bars on the windows still don't make you feel safe and secure. I was not thanking God for my blessings, rather irritated that others had it so well. Not my proudest moment.
So on my trip back home from that luxury condo, I prayed, asking forgiveness from the God who gives that liberally, and I thanked him for many of the things I am grateful for. And I thanked him that this lovely woman wanted to sell her beautiful ottoman on Craigslist rather than moving it with her. Would I ever pay retail for it? Not likely. I'm too frugal for that.