Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Giving In

Steve and I got into it over the dogs. He got very angry and quit speaking to me. The details don't matter, but I felt he was seriously over-reacting and crossed a line, and needed to apologize. Apologies seem to be my role, but I was righteously indignant and felt that if I made the apology I would give him permission to do the same thing again and again, so I remained silent.

We were in the truck heading to Oklahoma. The atmosphere was quite chilly, each of us resolute. I was determined to come from a position of strength, and taking the first step felt like weakness.

Then I began to think of how God treats me. Even though I am wrong, behaving poorly, and obviously in the wrong (if there is a disagreement between me and God, it is pretty obvious that am the one in the wrong) it is always God who reconciles with me. Is he weak for doing so? No. Do I lose respect for him? No. So why should I behave differently? If God who is totally just, totally holy, totally righteous comes after me when I am clearly in the wrong, why should I not make the move to reconcile when I am never certain to be 100% correct?

My pride should never keep me from trying to act like God does. Why is it that my finest thinking falls so far short? I must have the input of the Holy Spirit explaining the nature of God to me or I would be convinced that my thinking in this and other matters was right. Once the nature of God in this matter became clear, all the anger and indignation I had been holding onto deflated.

1 comment:

Beth said...

So the person who is quickest to apologize is the one who is most God-like.