Plus I love new beginnings. What optimism there is in turning a new page, starting a new book, putting up a new calendar with all the possibilities the blank pages have for you. Celebrating New Year's is an optimistic way to say that we may have lost everything last year, but this new year holds endless possibilities.
For me, the new year is exactly that. New everything. New job, hopefully. It provides the hopeful expectancy of finishing one or more of my books. It provides the expectancy of opportunities for service.
Plus, I celebrate that Dad has made it through another year. That wasn't expected. However, I am changing my expectations in that regard. Although I remain realistic about the possibility of a heart attack, barring that, I think he's got a lot of time left. What is sad is that he lives such a purposeless existence which is really difficult for him.
When I come to this blog at the end of 2009 I plan to rejoice that I have finished at least 2 of my books, and am in the middle of more.
Also, I am hopeful that 2009 will see the release of the final book in the Song of Fire and Ice series by George R.R. Martin. Some complain about his timetable, but I enjoy the anticipation as much as I enjoy the fulfillment of it. Plus, how can he possibly top this series? Will anything he writes be as satisfying as this?
Also, I am hopeful that there will be something new from Cornelia Funke, Margaret Ball, and so many others.
I am hopeful that the new year may provide answers for the pain that has plagued me for the last 17 1/2 years. Otherwise, I wonder whether I will wind up on disability. I have fought that for so long and tried so hard to hide my physical difficulties. I would so hate to give in to it or to have this defeat me now.
On another up note: I ran into my friend John Malloy a few days ago. It was so wonderful to see this dear brother. I introduced him to my friend Evelyn and to my husband and had a brief chance to talk to him and to tell them what he meant to me during a sometimes very difficult period in my life. Let me close with a quotation from him, but first let me tell you the story. John is a Fedex delivery guy and we had grown friendly over time as he delivered packages to me. Upon first seeing my collection of rotation verses and hearing what music I might be playing, he realized that we were of the same religious persuasion and we would talk now and again as he ran in and out. Sometimes I would give him a verse that was really speaking to me, sometimes he would do the same. I would occasionally run into him outside the office and I shared with him the struggle I was having over leaving my church and needing to go elsewhere. Anyway at some point during this time, John walked in with his package and without any 'hello' or other pleasantry simply said:
I've been thinking. We are warriors and this is a battlefield. We are not meant for rest and comfort at this timeThen he left.
John, I've thought of that so often ever since. There are times that I am ready to give up because I think I need rest or comfort, but I've decided that you are right.
We are warriors and this is a battlefield. We are not meant for rest and comfort at this time