Saturday, March 14, 2009

The state of Kim

My church, Community Church of the Rockies, is in the midst of a campaign for spiritual renewal, growth and devotion, leading up to a financial campaign. This, combined with my present circumstances are all being used by God to reveal where my faith is weak, where my sin issues are, the places where I am unfaithful, and to increase or light a fire in me with a longing for more of Him. Having no job and no job prospects makes me understand to an even greater degree that I am totally dependent on God for my provision. The health difficulties point out the ways I was trusting in my own physical strength to accomplish things and to minister to others. Being asked to commit to a more intense walk (the fasting/study/prayer time) has revealed where my walk and my discipline is weak. It has revealed areas of sin in my life that require repentance.

Truly I have nothing in myself. My righteousness is like filthy rags and cannot stand before a Holy God. I am more grateful than I have ever been that Jesus took my place and clothed me in his righteousness and because of that I can go boldly into the very throne room of God. What a wonder that his forgiveness is so thorough.

I come to him bemoaning my weakness and he laughs, saying, "I know, my child. Let me give you MY strength."

I say to him, "Forgive me of my sin." He says, "What sin? It was all washed away. I see you clothed in the righteousness of Jesus."

I say, "I am faithless." He says, "but I remain faithful. I cannot change my nature."

I come to him saying, "I'm afraid for my financial situation." He says, "Why? Don't you know that I own everything? I will not withhold any good thing from you. I will give you what you need. Don't you trust me?" And I confess that I am weak in my faith where I thought I was strong.

I go to him about my physical frailties and he says, "Those are to try you and test you, to humble you and to teach you to depend on me, that in the end it may go well with you."

I think we as a people, even as Christians, have depended on our country for our provision and our way of life. We (and by we I mean me) have held onto our wealth and largely ignored the suffering world around us, clinging to our comforts and our wants, while people are dying. Is our heart toward the poor? Toward the suffering church around the world? Is our heart even turned toward our neighbors? I begin to wonder if this time may bring us as a people and as the church in America to realize that our plans have been silly and selfish, and for the most part we have been ungrateful for what God has provided for us.

Lord, guide my days. Where my plans are out of sync with yours, make me aware, that I may go with your perfect plan. Where I have depended on anything other than you, show me, that I may repent. You are my sustainer, my hope, my provider. Your grace is sufficient for me. Show me your glory Lord, in spite of me.

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