Saturday, March 14, 2009

Update

I was reading a few posts back (and yes, I know some of you don't get my Crispin Glover video clip. If it isn't funny to you, well humor is one of those odd things that in the explaning, the intent--humor and laughter--is ruined.) Anyway, a few posts back I was struggling with the test results and believing that this pain syndrome is permanent. As I thought back, I realized that even though I have had this pain syndrome for 17+ years, the level of pain has not been consistent throughout the time. In fact, there have been periods of time that were relatively mild and which allowed me to work with fairly low pain levels and fairly high energy levels. The fish incident brought on a major flair-up, as FM people don't recover from pain and injury the same as other people.

I have, at various times, even been able to hold two jobs, or to work full-time and go to school. So, I am thinking that my current level of pain and the high levels of the virus are my bodies response to the high stress of my last job, particularly my struggles with a very difficult situation within that job and then trying to maintain the office by myself for a couple of months. I certainly began to feel the exhaustion returning during that time period.

So, dear friends, even though it is likely that I will never be pain-free in this world, I am heartened to consider that I am just currently on the pain side of the cycle and that I am likely to come back down to a manageable level in the foreseeable future.

While this gives me hope, I am glad that I cannot truly see beyond today, for my heart would fail me. Had I known what future pains I would face, I would not have had the courage to go on. We are not meant to know more than today.

I have a friend who spends most of her time lying in a bed in a nursing home. She doesn't have the strength to speak loudly enough for most people to hear her, and most people say her speech is slurred. I understand her well enough, most of the time, but I have to lean in close. I know her mind is sharp and that it is frustrating that her body won't cooperate. Her right side is useless, following a stroke, and her left eye apparently does not work any more. She faces all of this with great dignity and grace. She has taught me that God's strength is sufficient for today. I don't need to have the strength for tomorrow today. I only need the strength for today.

However...should I somehow see tomorrow, I need only know that the same God who sustains me and gives me strength and courage for today will be with me tomorrow. My Jesus, who bought me with a great price has sent me a Comforter. There is a great prayer meeting in heaven over me and over you. The Spirit interprets our prayers, even our groanings that have no words, Jesus, our Savior interceeds on our behalf with the Father, who sees only the righteousness of his Son, and even when we were unrighteous and in our wretched state, loved us enough to have sent his son. Do I understand it? Can I begin to comprehend his love? Can I comprehend the mystery of a God who calls himself one and plural at the same time? Jehovah Elohim? Adonai? That we have one God I believe. That he is three persons, Father, Jesus Christ his son, and the Spirit, I also believe. It is a mystery that I cannot understand. Praise him for his excellent greatness!

His strength is sufficient for me.

2 comments:

Adam Pastor said...

Greetings Kim

On the subject of the one God apparently being three persons;
I recommend this video:
The Human Jesus

Take a couple of hours to watch it; and prayerfully it will aid you in your quest for truth.

Yours In Messiah
Adam Pastor

Kim said...

Wow, Adam,

Jesus called himself God in the vernacular of his culture in a way that brought about such anger that he fled at one point, and when the time was right, allowed himself to be crucified.

To claim that he is less than God is to disagree with the Bible. I don't consider myself a great debator, but I cannot allow this to pass without response.